You’re a Bad Parent… #RRBC

…or maybe you’re not!

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I know, the pic above is hilarious, but my daughters sent this to me!  Huge hint, you think?

Tuesday, July 26th was PARENT’S DAY!  I missed wishing you all the best day, so I thought I’d share a little post with you.

Many often wonder what separates a bad parent from a good parent.  In my mind, a very thin line is all.  But, I’m going to give you my 5 Top Tips of Good Parenting and if you can’t handle these, then we’re going to have to ask you to return your PARENTING LICENSE.  (Oh, I forgot, the law doesn’t require those, even though they should).  Here goes:

5 TOP TIPS FOR  PARENTING TEENS:

*BE A GOOD LISTENER.  Do you ever respond to your child with those horrible words your own parents used to throw at you…“Because I said so?”  The memories of those words haunt me to this day.  I hated hearing (my mom) say that, and boy, did she say it often.  As a parent now, I have realized (thanks to my teenager who keeps me grounded) that “Because I said so,”  is not a response, nor is it a proper response.  When our kids come to us with their issues or questions and concerns, they are looking for solid answers from the people they are taught to trust, respect (and listen to) the most…their parents.  Learn to listen intently to their concerns so that you are fully able to form a positive, clear, intelligent response;  one that will lead them in the right direction and not drive them into the arms of others whose responses may not be in their best interest;

*AIM TO BE THEIR BEST PARENT…NOT THEIR BEST FRIEND.  Many parents spend so much time trying to be their kid’s best friend, that they lose sight of their real position, that of Parent.  Yes, we want our kids to think we’re “cool” and that we understand all they’re going thru, etc., and that’s OK.  But, what happens when you have to step out of BEST FRIEND mode and guide them in the right direction…which you can only do in BEST PARENT mode?  What do you do then?  You see, your kid’s friends are their age and they all have the same issues.  And because they have the same issues, if they are advising each other, it’s like the blind leading the blind.  I remember some of the kids who grew up with my daughters, the ones who didn’t have traditional parents, the ones whose parents partied with them and drank with them, and allowed them “too much freedom.”  I would often hear them say to my daughters, “I wish I had a mom like that,”  or “I wish my mom was like your mom.”  You see, no matter how often they say that “we’re not cool,”  or “we just don’t understand,”  they really do want us in PARENT MODE with them.  It is only in that mode that they feel protected by us…and safe. If you make it a habit to always “stay in your lane” (as the kids put it), the Parenting Lane, that is, then you will nurture the relationship as it should be.  Believe me, you have plenty of time to become their BEST FRIEND.  My timetable says that should be when they are adults, and maybe with kids of their own;

*ALWAYS REMAIN CALM.  Being a good listener is the best way to develop great rapport with your kids.  When your kids come to you for advice, no matter the topic (boys, girls, sex, relationships, drugs, etc.) listen to them and fully take in what they are communicating to you.  Your response to what they are sharing, is the make or break as to how they will handle their situations.  Don’t interrupt while they’re speaking, think before you respond, and above all else, remember that yelling is never the answer.  Don’t become part of their storm.  Be their calm, so that when their storm hits, their “emergency kit” will be filled with all the right tools to weather it;

*MODEL WHAT YOU WANT THEM TO DO AND BECOME.  Television, radio, social media and even friends at times, offer such negative influences that you want to remove it all from your child’s world.  I’ve been there myself, where I’ve heard of a profanity-laced TV show or one filled with too much kissing and ‘other stuff,’ that I’ve said to my kids “Nope, we won’t be watching that.”   That being said, I allowed my wonderful kids to watch shows like SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS and THE SIMPSONS, which other parents forbade in their homes.   Because my daughters were taught the difference between right and wrong from the very beginning and consistently, I wasn’t the least bit worried about them picking up any bad habits from these shows, but I did appreciate the fact that there was such humor in the shows, that my children, with us, appreciated the laughs.  We love “funnies” in our home, so these were shows we enjoyed together.  Actually, we all still watch SPONGEBOB, even today.  I’ve said all this to say that WE modeled what we wanted them to become.  Profanity is not allowed in our home, we don’t drink or smoke, we have open and ‘honest’ discussions, and we treat each other and those outside our home, with kindness and respect.  We not only talked the talk, we walked the walk and that is what you should do, as a good parent;

*LOVE, LOVE, LOVE THEM, UNCONDITIONALLY.  I’ve heard parents say that sometimes, the poor behavior of their children makes them hard to love.  Although I’ve never felt this emotion, I’ve seen some kids who have put their parents thru the ringer, so I can definitely believe it.  I recently heard of a book called  HOW TO HUG A PORCUPINE and to my understanding, the premise of the book is that kids in their formative tween and full teen years, don’t really welcome the loving hugs and attention they craved as babies and toddlers.  My daughters get so many hugs, kisses and so much love daily, that they probably want to run in the other direction when they see me coming towards them.  And although they pretend as if they don’t like it, they really do.  I know this because when my oldest was away at college, she once said “Believe it or not, but I miss you kissing me all the time.”  My youngest said to me recently, “I’m going to miss sitting on your lap and snuggling with you when I wake each morn and before I go to bed at night.”  See, proof they like it!  So, go on, hug your porcupines!  They secretly love you doing so and don’t worry, their pines aren’t that prickly.

Do you have some great parenting tips to share?  You know we all could use some!  Thanks for dropping by!

 

 

So, Think I’m Paranoid Now? #RRBC #Parenting

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With all of the negativity and racial unrest going on in the world lately, taking up space in every little corner of our lives, I somehow failed to catch a story about a recent attempted abduction of a child.

Now, when I hear about lax-parenting or parents who allow their kids to run off here and there and everywhere without supervision, etc., I say “People steal kids and I don’t want anyone stealing my beautiful babies so I keep a very close eye on them.” Is there laughter after folks hear me saying that “people steal kids?” Of course!  And, tons of it;  as if it is so unfathomable that children can be stolen, just like cars or other replaceable things.  Well, please take a close look at the footage below (and don’t blink, because you just might miss something) and then we’ll talk…

 

I love my daughters with a love that is truly indescribable, and admittedly, I like to keep them close, because then I know they’re safe.  I watch my daughter walk to her car when she’s getting ready to leave for work or school;  even though she parks inside of our garage, I want to know that she’s getting out of the car and walking into the house, and if I’m dropping my youngest at work, I wait for her to get completely inside the building before I pull away.

So many parents have said to me that “You can’t watch them all the time,” or “You have to let them go off and do other things away from you.” Although I agree with these at times, I am still from the thought process that too many parents, are just a little too lax in their parenting.

Too much is happening in the world today for us to not keep a very watchful eye on the ones we love the most, especially our innocent babies. In the blink of an eye, our children are gone, and this applies more to just the fact that they are getting ready to leave for college.

I am in no way saying that this mom was at fault for what happened to her child, although knowing me the way that I do, my baby, who stands 6’3 inches tall and is almost an adult, would have been standing right next to me in line, and she would have been standing on the side farthest away from the door.  I am in no way blind to the fact that there are real “crazies” in this world.   #Smart #NotParanoid.  I am just sharing the proof that’s clearly swimming around in the pudding…people really do “steal” children!

Believe me now?

To All Moms Around The World! #RRBC

My Mother’s Day Wish for Moms! 

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May your day be filled with laughter

 

and void of any tears.

 

May the joy you get from your children

 

dispel your mother’s fears.

 

May the sunshine streaming outside

 

trickles thru your heart.

 

May your children be forever with you

 

and never, ever depart.

~

~ Nonnie Jules

#Hate, When Does It End? #RRBC #Parenting

Nothing breaks my heart more, than to hear a story about a child being hurt.  Whether they were hurt in a car accident, abused by an adult, mistreated verbally or even shoved on the playground…my heart feels it all, and their pain is mine…in a huge way.

It is now the year 2016, and we are still having the same discussion about Bullying that we had 10 years ago.  We are going to continue to have this discussion, simply because parents are choosing to not have the “proper” conversations with their children, in their homes.

Kids today are still not being taught empathy, compassion, patience, sensitivity and the simple difference between right and wrong.  And because of this lack of teaching, other kids are being bullied, murdered and even forced into feeling that the only way out of their pain, is to commit suicide.  How long are we going to stand by and watch the innocent suffer?  What is it going to take to get YOU to stand up and voice your displeasure in the direction of those who are offending?  Change can only come when we all take a stand…  not just one of us, not just a race of us, not just a gender of us, and not just a class of us.  It’s going to take ALL of us to make a difference.  And since that’s all of us who bleed ‘red,’ YOU are included in that number.  We must go back to being a village when it comes to raising our children, or we are destined to be tagged as a nation of monsters.

ALL LIVES REALLY DO MATTER…

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*White lives

*Black lives

*Brown lives

*Grey lives

*Straight lives

*Gay lives

We matter all.

I know this is old, but I’d like you to take a peek at the BULLY CHAT.  If you’re not moved to make a change after watching this, there’s something wrong…and you should stand in front of a mirror and take a long hard look at the person staring back at you.

Better parenting = better children.  What’s your take on that?

*For more parenting and positive inspiration, please #Follow me on Twitter @AskTheGoodMommy.

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“THE GOOD MOMMIES’ GUIDE TO RAISING ALMOST PERFECT DAUGHTERS”

Now We’re Putting #Disrespect On A Pedestal? #RRBC

OK, so the latest nonsense in this no-parenting Parenting, which is ringing loudly in my ears and almost causing me to go deaf, is the theory  (and I quote) that “Kids who talk back, become more successful adults.”  Well, this “nonsense” infuriates me so much, that lots of choice words come to mind each time I read that line, but, since this is a kid-friendly blog, I will keep them to myself.

It should come as no surprise to all who have read my parenting guide, “THE GOOD MOMMIES’ GUIDE TO RAISING (ALMOST) PERFECT DAUGHTERS…100 Tips On Raising Daughters Everyone Can’t Help But Love”

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…that I don’t agree with this “nonsense” at all.  (I will continue to refer to it as nonsense, by the way, as that’s exactly what it is).

“Kids talking back is a perennial complaint of parents,” states an article that I read on Yahoo recently.  Well, that complaint is valid, and kudos to those parents who are upset about this and not embracing the “nonsense.”

This Yahoo article quotes the experts who say that, “This behavior is developmentally healthy for kids.”  I would have to disagree and say that, as an expert, “This behavior in my home would be extremely unhealthy and could prove to be detrimental to a kid’s teeth.” (Yes, I said it!)  I mean, kids do still lose their teeth by methods that aren’t traditionally used in dentist’ offices, right?

My very own teenager, who, when I shared this theory and article with her, looked at me and said:  “Mommy, that’s just an excuse for certain parents to let their kids get away with talking back to them because they don’t want to take the time, or they don’t know how to properly discipline them.”  (#ProudMommyOnBoardHere!  As they say, “From the mouths of babes.”)  Even she, as a child, understands this point, so, why can’t people twice and three times her age get it?

I have two of the most successful daughters in all the world.  My teenager is on track to graduating Magna Cum Laude in her school;  she’s a literal genius (smarter than a whip and sharper than many adults I know);  she’s a phenomenal athlete,  and she’s honest and uberly respectful.  Never talked back a day in her life!

Then, there’s my adult daughter:  on her way to getting her two masters degrees, busy as a bee in very constructive ventures, highly sought after by every employable agency in her field, doesn’t sleep around with every Tom, Dick and Harry (YES! An adult Lady who still has her virginity…go figure), and uberly, uberly respectful.  Never talked back a day in her life!  Never used a profane word in her life!  Yet, out of all her adult counterparts who are her age or older, I can’t name one who is as successful as she is.  I can’t name one who has a reputation like she does.  I can’t put my finger on one who is as trusted and respected as she is.

And then, there are their parents, my husband and I…successful business owners, highly regarded in our community, and yet, neither one of us ever talked back to our parents…we dared not!

Are we still going with what these experts say?  Has anyone heard of the entitled kid from Dallas, Texas with “Affluenza” Disease? (What a joke).  You know, the one who killed four people while driving drunk and was then only given a slap on the wrist (probation)? The one who then spit in the face of the same justice system who gave him that slap on the wrist and fled the country to avoid charges after he violated that probation?  The same one whose mom, when asked how she disciplined him when he acted up (talked back), said she took his toys and games away.  Really?  That’s ALL you did?  Hmmm…no wonder.  I would stake the life of everyone that I hold dear that he talked back!  And probably was using those choice words I withheld above by the time he was 2 years old and could mouth them!  I think we should start measuring success by more than just the size of our bank accounts.

So, I’m sure you all can see why I’m going to have to agree with my teenager, who says that this “nonsense” is just another excuse for certain parents to get away with raising their kids improperly, OR, not even raising them at all.  The sad part about all of this “nonsense,” is that these same kids who are being allowed to talk back, in hopes that they will become more successful in their adult lives, are being set up to fall into a few (sometimes deadly) traps:

*What do you think is going to happen when they are in daycare or after-school care with people who have low tolerance for kids who talk back or disobey?

*What do you think is going to happen when they’re in classrooms at school with teachers who have zero tolerance for kids who talk back or disobey?

*Lastly, what do you think is going to happen when they are stopped by a law enforcement officer who has the power to strip them of every right they have, on the spot, just because you allowed them to “mouth off” to you?

We need to remember, that what we allow in our homes, is not necessarily going to go over well outside of our home. Then, we need to also keep in the forefront of our minds, that everyone isn’t in love with our kids the way we are.  And lastly, never forget, that evil sometimes walks the earth day and night, in the form of daycare workers, teachers, and law enforcement officers.  So, I would advise you to teach your kids to be respectful, manner-able, hardworking, and driven Go-getters.  In my eyes, all signs that they are properly armed with the tools they’ll need to become successful adults.

My beautiful daughters have never been spanked, cussed at, berated or made to feel anything but the most staggering kind of love in all the world, yet, I am a firm believer in discipline, teaching kids right from wrong, and teaching respect, manners and accountability.  I am, because it’s the way I was raised.  I am, because I looked around this earth and saw what was being “bred” to walk and rule our land, and I refused to bring more of that “mess” into the world.  I am, because I know that we can do better as a society and as Parents.

My friends laugh when I see kids in the store throwing fits and tantrums, talking back, or stories on television, such as this one about the Affluenza Disease, and I shake my head and say:  “God gave me what he knew I wouldn’t strangle.”  It’s funny, but I do believe it’s true.

So, these are the kinds of kids that I have:

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Because the other kind…

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…wouldn’t last one second in my home!

My latest quote: 

“I’m not being judgmental, but you’re not parenting properly.”  ~ NJ Original

Again, “YES, I SAID IT!”

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…and I didn’t bite my tongue or stutter when I did!

“Teach and discipline your kids properly, before the world and law enforcement steps in to do it for you.  Unfortunately, you might not like the lessons they have in store for your child!

~ Nonnie Jules

So, do tell, what is your take on this style of parenting?  Are/Were your kids allowed to talk back?  Do you think success is only measured by how much money is in someone’s bank account?  C’mon, be honest.  We don’t judge here.

What Does Respect Mean To You?

My daughter recently visited her teacher’s home, where the Mother-in-law (MIL) and Father-in-law (FIL) also reside.  Out of all the little girls there (teenagers), it seems the teacher’s in-laws were thrilled with my teenager.  My daughter, when she got in the car, said, “Mom, I just loved my teacher’s MIL and FIL and they just loved me!” (Well, that didn’t surprise me;  everyone who meets my daughters fall in love with them instantly).  My child went on to tell me that as she sat, having a conversation with the MIL, the MIL said to her teacher, “Well, it’s clear that she’s a Southern girl and she’s being raised properly.”  The Teacher asked her MIL how could she tell?  The MIL said:  “Did you hear her say  ‘YES MA’AM’ and ‘NO, MA’AM?”  Since there were approximately 10-12 girls there in the house, as well, I asked my daughter, “Well, what did the MIL have to say about the others?” She responded:  “Nothing, Mom.  I don’t think the other girls even stopped to speak to them.” To this, I say, “No wonder the woman was in love with my child.”

When my oldest was in high school, a school Janitor once said to me:  “You know, she’s not like these other kids.  She picks up after herself, throws her own trash away, doesn’t wait for us to do it for her, and she’s respectful.  She takes time out to stop and chat with us (the Janitors), and she always ends her sentences with SIR and MA’AM.”  (#ProudMommyOnBoardHere, can you tell?)

Now, to some, this may mean nothing at all, but to me, it means the world.  Parents today don’t realize how important it is to teach their children to be respectful:  respectful to their elders, respectful to their peers, and yes, even respectful at home with their parents, because if they are doing it at home, then it’s easy to do away from home.

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A little 8 yr old was having a conversation with me the other day and I asked her a question.  She responded “YEA.”  The next question I asked was met with a “WHAT?”  So, I said to her, “You know, Mrs. J. prefers ‘Yes, Ma’am’ instead of ‘Yea,’ and ‘Yes?’ instead of ‘What?’ when I ask a question.”  She said, “Oh, I never say those things to my mom,” and so I gently reminded her that I was not her mom.

When I meet kids, young adults, or even adults well into their 30s (heck, they’re all kids to me), and they respond to me respectfully, especially with “Yes, Ma’am” and “No, Ma’am,” I always say:  “Tell your mom she did a great job with you!”; and I’m truly excited to be in that “child’s” presence.  Truly! (I must mention that it could be a dad who raised this respectfully beautiful child, I’m just always drawn to say Mom…sorry, Great Dads!).

What are we teaching our kids?  What does respect mean today?  I’m from the old school where it meant everything, and my daughters are being, and in regards to my oldest, were raised in that same fashion and environment.  I recently heard it said that the tips in my parenting guide, “THE GOOD MOMMIES’ GUIDE TO RAISING (ALMOST) PERFECT DAUGHTERS,”

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may have worked a long time ago, but wouldn’t work today.  Well, I beg to differ.  I have an adult daughter and I’m still raising a teenager today, with those same rules/tips.

Here are 8 tips I’d like to share that will help those of you who are new to the OLD-SCHOOL way of parenting, to get the best out of your kids.:

  1. Teach your kids that when they walk into a room with people, that it is their responsibility to greet first;
  2. Teach your kids that they should always be respectful in their speech and manner towards all adults;
  3. Teach your kids that if an adult is not respecting them, that they should bring that to your attention and let you handle it.  Let them know that they are never to try and go toe-to-toe with an adult;  they won’t win;
  4. Just as you teach your kids how to use the proper fork at the dinner table, teach them how to use their manners (Please, Thank You, Excuse Me, You’re Welcome, etc.)
  5. Teach your kids to cover their mouths when yawning (I had to throw this in as I hate to see someone yawning without covering their mouths as this is so offensive…this is for adults and children);
  6. Teach your kids that they should always be respectful to their peers;
  7. Teach your kids to be respectful towards you because what they do at home, is what they will do out on the street, in public;
  8. Teach your kids to always, always be honest (but first, you need to model that honesty for them).

I hope that I have left some things with you today that will greatly benefit you and your child and the world who will be exposed to them.  I have a favorite quote of mine which I like to use regarding manners, it is…

“Manners have opened many doors.  Lack thereof, ensures the deadbolt is secure.”

Now, you will never hear me boasting and bragging about “things.”  The size of my house, the kinds of cars that are parked in my driveway, or if there are labels on my clothing and shoes, are of no importance to me at all.  But, what you will hear me go on and on about, would be those things of substance in my life…my daughters.  Parents who do tend to boast and brag on the material level, I always cut them off before they get too deep into it, and I say, “So, tell me, what are your kids doing?” Because, I’m that mom.  If you want to impress me, go on and on and on about your kids!

I’m wrapping up now, but Id like to leave one more quote of mine, along the lines of what I just said above:

“I don’t have to convince you of my parenting skills.  The behavior of my daughters speaks for me.”

Thank you so much for dropping in today, but please, tell us what your take is on R.E.S.P.E.C.T????  Remember, we’re all on the same journey, more or less, in this parenting arena, so let’s do what we can with what we have and let’s support one another along the way.

What do (or did) you teach your kids about Respect???

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