Tag Archive | THE GOOD MOMMIES’ GUIDE TO RAISING (ALMOST) PERFECT DAUGHTERS

Whatever Happened to the ‘Village’? #RRBC

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Thanks for dropping by my little place here in Shreveport, Louisiana.  I hope to get your opinion on the topic below.  Please join in the discussion by leaving your comment and you automatically get an entry into my giveaway pool!

Giveaways: 

(1) $10 Amazon Gift Card

(1) 5 Amazon Gift Card

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I’m writing today because I’d like your opinion on something.  Recently, while speaking to a mom of a teen-age daughter, I found myself embroiled in a discussion which caused me great angst. I mean, the conversation literally caused me to go into full migraine headache mode (my poor head).

This mom of a 15 year old who delivered a baby a few months ago, shared with me how her daughter’s newborn son, accompanies his teen-age mother to school every day.  Confused, I asked, “Well, how can she focus on her schoolwork if she has to care for the baby at the same time?”  This mom then shared that the entire school district where her daughter attends school, has a nursery/daycare on the campus of every high school in the district to accommodate teen moms.  After hearing this, I went completely numb.  Hence the beginning of our discussion (debate).  I  mean, if your conversation is going to cause me to go numb, then you can bet your bottom dollar, we’re gonna talk  about it!

I shared with her my disappointment in hearing this, and how I  whole-heartedly disagree with the idea of daycare centers on high school campuses.  I said, “If a school district has to have daycare centers on EVERY HIGH SCHOOL CAMPUS in their district, then they have a major problem with teen-age pregnancies.  The focus then, in my opinion, should not be on adding daycare centers to school campuses and accommodating these teenagers, but on how to rectify the major problem…that of the number of teen pregnancies of their female student body.”

In my opinion (and as you can see, I have lots of these), having daycare centers on these school campuses is like slapping a band-aid on an open sore…it’s not going to heal the real problem, just cover it up, so to speak.  Instead of spending that money on campus daycare centers, how about putting it to even greater use…like educating these girls in a different manner on how these poor decisions will impact their lives and their entire futures.  How about we put that money into special programs to teach these girls how NOT TO become teen-age moms?  I mean, since the school is offering free childcare for these teenage moms, what’s going to keep them from repeating the act?  What’s going to keep them from going off having another…and another, and yet another?  Who’s policing these possible serial teenage moms?

Here is where we should all begin to miss “the villages” of old…the ones that it took to raise a child;  the ones that cared enough to go above and beyond, to do whatever it took to ensure that not only their kids, but all the kids around them, excelled at life?  What happened to those?

I often hear people say “Times have changed,” but you know what, just because the world is changing in every arena, doesn’t mean you have to.  I know you saw this one coming, but if all the world decides to one day drink poison and lay down on the ground and die, are you going to join them?  What about that cliff ahead?  I see they’re all getting ready to jump…have you suddenly sprouted wings, too?  I would like to think that you have your own mind, you think with your own mind, and you would make up your own mind to do the right thing if you were ever faced with either of these situations.  Just because some feel as if it’s ‘old fashioned’ and “no one does that anymore,” doesn’t mean you have to buy into that common mentality.

Stand for something, or you will fall for anything.  Remember having that drilled into your head as a child?  I do.  Again, I ask, where have those villages gone?

I’d like to hear from you.  What are your thoughts on these high-school campus daycare centers?  Are they encouraging more of the same or, are they meeting a very serious problem head on?

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Here’s a solution to the problem…

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“THE GOOD MOMMIES’  GUIDE TO RAISING (ALMOST) PERFECT DAUGHTERS”

(During a recent phone conversation with an old friend of mine, she asked:  “You’re not a grandma yet?”  I replied:  “Have you received a wedding invitation from us?”  She said, “No.”  I responded, “Well, if you haven’t received a wedding invite first, then you shouldn’t be expecting a baby announcement.”  You see, in our home, the cart doesn’t go before the horse.)

#HighStandardsInOurHome

#EvenHigherExpectations

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#RRBC SPRINGTIME #BOOK & #BLOG BLOCK PARTY: You’re a Bad #Parent…

…or maybe you’re not!

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Hi and “WELCOME” to RAVE REVIEWS BOOK CLUB’S SPRINGTIME BOOK & BLOG BLOCK PARTY at ASK THE GOOD MOMMY!  Location:  Shreveport, LA.

# of Winners for this stop:  2

Here’s What I’m Giving Away Today:

(1) $15.00 Amazon Gift Card

(1) e-book copy of “THE GOOD MOMMIES’ GUIDE TO RAISING (ALMOST) PERFECT DAUGHTERS

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I know, the pic above is hilarious, but my daughters sent this to me!  Huge hint, you think?

I am so tired and just so busy that I thought I’d offer you a re-blog (to make things easier for me and to also engage those who hadn’t seen this post yet).

Many often wonder what separates a bad parent from a good parent.  In my mind, a very thin line is all.  But, I’m going to give you my 5 Top Tips of Good Parenting and if you can’t handle these, then we’re going to have to ask you to return your PARENTING LICENSE.  (Oh, I forgot, the law doesn’t require those for this very important job, although they should).  Here goes:

5 TOP TIPS FOR  PARENTING TEENS:

*BE A GOOD LISTENER.  Do you ever respond to your child with those horrible words your own parents used to throw at you…“Because I said so?”  The memories of those words haunt me still today.  I hated hearing (my mom) say that, and boy, did she say it often.  As a parent now, I have realized (thanks to my teenager who keeps me grounded) that “Because I said so,”  is not a response, nor is it a proper response.  When our kids come to us with their issues or questions and concerns, they are looking for solid answers from the people they are taught to trust, respect (and listen to) the most…their parents.  Learn to listen intently to their concerns, so that you are fully able to form a positive, clear, intelligent response;  one that will lead them in the right direction and not drive them into the arms of others, whose responses may not be in their best interest;

*AIM TO BE THEIR BEST PARENT…NOT THEIR BEST FRIEND.  Many parents spend so much time trying to be their kid’s best friend, that they lose sight of their real position, that of Parent.  Yes, we want our kids to think we’re “cool” and that we understand all they’re going thru, etc., and that’s OK.  But, what happens when you have to step out of BEST FRIEND mode and guide them in the right direction…which you can only do in BEST PARENT mode?  What do you do then?  You see, your kid’s friends are their age and they all have the same issues.  And, because they have the same issues, if they are advising each other, it’s like the blind leading the blind.  I remember some of the kids who grew up with my daughters, the ones who didn’t have traditional parents, the ones whose parents partied with them and drank with them, and allowed them “too much freedom.”  I would often hear them say to my daughters, “I wish I had a mom like that,”  or “I wish my mom was like your mom.”  You see, no matter how often they say that “we’re not cool,”  or “we just don’t understand,”  they really do want us in PARENT MODE with them.  It is only in that mode that they feel protected by us…safe. If you make it a habit to always “stay in your lane” (as the kids put it), the Parenting Lane, that is, then you will nurture the relationship as it should be.  Believe me, you have plenty of time to become their BEST FRIEND.  My timetable says that time should be rolling around pretty quickly, when they are adults, and maybe with kids of their own;

*ALWAYS REMAIN CALM.  Being a good listener is the best way to develop great rapport with your kids.  When your kids come to you for advice, no matter the topic (boys, girls, sex, relationships, drugs, etc.) listen to them and fully take in what they are communicating to you.  Your response to what they are sharing, is the make or break as to how they will handle their situations.  Don’t interrupt while they’re speaking, think before you respond, and above all else, remember that yelling is never the answer.  Don’t become part of their storm.  Be their calm, so that when their storm hits, their “emergency kit” will be filled with all the right tools to weather it;

*MODEL WHAT YOU WANT THEM TO DO AND BECOME.  Television, radio, social media and even friends at times, offer such negative influences that you want to remove it all from your child’s world.  I’ve been there myself, where I’ve heard of a profanity-laced TV show or one filled with too much kissing and ‘other stuff,’ that I’ve said to my kids “Nope, we won’t be watching that.”   That being said, I allowed my wonderful kids to watch shows like SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS and THE SIMPSONS, which other parents forbade in their homes.   Because my daughters were taught the difference between right and wrong from the very beginning and consistently, I wasn’t the least bit worried about them picking up any bad habits from these shows, but, I did appreciate the fact that there was such humor in the shows, that my children, with us, appreciated the laughs.  We love “funnies” in our home, so these were shows we enjoyed together.  Actually, we all still watch SPONGEBOB, even today.  I’ve said all this to say that, WE modeled what we wanted them to become.  Profanity is not allowed in our home, we don’t drink or smoke, we have open and ‘honest’ discussions, and we treat each other and those outside our home, with the utmost of kindness and respect.  We not only talked the talk, we walked the walk and that is what you should do, as a good parent;

*LOVE, LOVE, LOVE THEM, UNCONDITIONALLY.  I’ve heard parents say that sometimes, the poor behavior of their children makes them hard to love.  Although I’ve never felt this emotion, I’ve seen some kids who have put their parents thru the ringer, so I can definitely believe it.  I recently heard of a book called  HOW TO HUG A PORCUPINE and to my understanding, the premise of the book is that kids in their formative tween and full teen years, don’t really welcome the loving hugs and attention that they craved as babies and toddlers.  My daughters get so many hugs, kisses and so much love daily, that they probably want to run in the other direction when they see me coming towards them.  And, although they pretend as if they don’t like it, they really do.  I know this because when my oldest was away at college, she once said, “Believe it or not, I miss you kissing me all the time.”  My youngest said to me recently, “I’m going to miss sitting on your lap and snuggling with you when I wake each morn and before I go to bed at night.”  See, proof they like it!  So, go on, hug your porcupines!  They secretly love you doing so and don’t worry, their pines aren’t that prickly.

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Do you have some great parenting tips to share? Please share your comments below.  You know how much we like those!  I would also ask that you share this page onto all your social medium forums.  Thanks for dropping by and I hope to see you along the tour tomorrow!

Are you not a member of the RAVE REVIEWS BOOK CLUB yet?  Well, why the heck not?  What is wrong with you???  LOL!  We’d love for you to join us!

 

 

#Hate, When Does It End? #RRBC #Parenting

Nothing breaks my heart more, than to hear a story about a child being hurt.  Whether they were hurt in a car accident, abused by an adult, mistreated verbally or even shoved on the playground…my heart feels it all, and their pain is mine…in a huge way.

It is now the year 2016, and we are still having the same discussion about Bullying that we had 10 years ago.  We are going to continue to have this discussion, simply because parents are choosing to not have the “proper” conversations with their children, in their homes.

Kids today are still not being taught empathy, compassion, patience, sensitivity and the simple difference between right and wrong.  And because of this lack of teaching, other kids are being bullied, murdered and even forced into feeling that the only way out of their pain, is to commit suicide.  How long are we going to stand by and watch the innocent suffer?  What is it going to take to get YOU to stand up and voice your displeasure in the direction of those who are offending?  Change can only come when we all take a stand…  not just one of us, not just a race of us, not just a gender of us, and not just a class of us.  It’s going to take ALL of us to make a difference.  And since that’s all of us who bleed ‘red,’ YOU are included in that number.  We must go back to being a village when it comes to raising our children, or we are destined to be tagged as a nation of monsters.

ALL LIVES REALLY DO MATTER…

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*White lives

*Black lives

*Brown lives

*Grey lives

*Straight lives

*Gay lives

We matter all.

I know this is old, but I’d like you to take a peek at the BULLY CHAT.  If you’re not moved to make a change after watching this, there’s something wrong…and you should stand in front of a mirror and take a long hard look at the person staring back at you.

Better parenting = better children.  What’s your take on that?

*For more parenting and positive inspiration, please #Follow me on Twitter @AskTheGoodMommy.

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“THE GOOD MOMMIES’ GUIDE TO RAISING ALMOST PERFECT DAUGHTERS”

Now We’re Putting #Disrespect On A Pedestal? #RRBC

OK, so the latest nonsense in this no-parenting Parenting, which is ringing loudly in my ears and almost causing me to go deaf, is the theory  (and I quote) that “Kids who talk back, become more successful adults.”  Well, this “nonsense” infuriates me so much, that lots of choice words come to mind each time I read that line, but, since this is a kid-friendly blog, I will keep them to myself.

It should come as no surprise to all who have read my parenting guide, “THE GOOD MOMMIES’ GUIDE TO RAISING (ALMOST) PERFECT DAUGHTERS…100 Tips On Raising Daughters Everyone Can’t Help But Love”

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…that I don’t agree with this “nonsense” at all.  (I will continue to refer to it as nonsense, by the way, as that’s exactly what it is).

“Kids talking back is a perennial complaint of parents,” states an article that I read on Yahoo recently.  Well, that complaint is valid, and kudos to those parents who are upset about this and not embracing the “nonsense.”

This Yahoo article quotes the experts who say that, “This behavior is developmentally healthy for kids.”  I would have to disagree and say that, as an expert, “This behavior in my home would be extremely unhealthy and could prove to be detrimental to a kid’s teeth.” (Yes, I said it!)  I mean, kids do still lose their teeth by methods that aren’t traditionally used in dentist’ offices, right?

My very own teenager, who, when I shared this theory and article with her, looked at me and said:  “Mommy, that’s just an excuse for certain parents to let their kids get away with talking back to them because they don’t want to take the time, or they don’t know how to properly discipline them.”  (#ProudMommyOnBoardHere!  As they say, “From the mouths of babes.”)  Even she, as a child, understands this point, so, why can’t people twice and three times her age get it?

I have two of the most successful daughters in all the world.  My teenager is on track to graduating Magna Cum Laude in her school;  she’s a literal genius (smarter than a whip and sharper than many adults I know);  she’s a phenomenal athlete,  and she’s honest and uberly respectful.  Never talked back a day in her life!

Then, there’s my adult daughter:  on her way to getting her two masters degrees, busy as a bee in very constructive ventures, highly sought after by every employable agency in her field, doesn’t sleep around with every Tom, Dick and Harry (YES! An adult Lady who still has her virginity…go figure), and uberly, uberly respectful.  Never talked back a day in her life!  Never used a profane word in her life!  Yet, out of all her adult counterparts who are her age or older, I can’t name one who is as successful as she is.  I can’t name one who has a reputation like she does.  I can’t put my finger on one who is as trusted and respected as she is.

And then, there are their parents, my husband and I…successful business owners, highly regarded in our community, and yet, neither one of us ever talked back to our parents…we dared not!

Are we still going with what these experts say?  Has anyone heard of the entitled kid from Dallas, Texas with “Affluenza” Disease? (What a joke).  You know, the one who killed four people while driving drunk and was then only given a slap on the wrist (probation)? The one who then spit in the face of the same justice system who gave him that slap on the wrist and fled the country to avoid charges after he violated that probation?  The same one whose mom, when asked how she disciplined him when he acted up (talked back), said she took his toys and games away.  Really?  That’s ALL you did?  Hmmm…no wonder.  I would stake the life of everyone that I hold dear that he talked back!  And probably was using those choice words I withheld above by the time he was 2 years old and could mouth them!  I think we should start measuring success by more than just the size of our bank accounts.

So, I’m sure you all can see why I’m going to have to agree with my teenager, who says that this “nonsense” is just another excuse for certain parents to get away with raising their kids improperly, OR, not even raising them at all.  The sad part about all of this “nonsense,” is that these same kids who are being allowed to talk back, in hopes that they will become more successful in their adult lives, are being set up to fall into a few (sometimes deadly) traps:

*What do you think is going to happen when they are in daycare or after-school care with people who have low tolerance for kids who talk back or disobey?

*What do you think is going to happen when they’re in classrooms at school with teachers who have zero tolerance for kids who talk back or disobey?

*Lastly, what do you think is going to happen when they are stopped by a law enforcement officer who has the power to strip them of every right they have, on the spot, just because you allowed them to “mouth off” to you?

We need to remember, that what we allow in our homes, is not necessarily going to go over well outside of our home. Then, we need to also keep in the forefront of our minds, that everyone isn’t in love with our kids the way we are.  And lastly, never forget, that evil sometimes walks the earth day and night, in the form of daycare workers, teachers, and law enforcement officers.  So, I would advise you to teach your kids to be respectful, manner-able, hardworking, and driven Go-getters.  In my eyes, all signs that they are properly armed with the tools they’ll need to become successful adults.

My beautiful daughters have never been spanked, cussed at, berated or made to feel anything but the most staggering kind of love in all the world, yet, I am a firm believer in discipline, teaching kids right from wrong, and teaching respect, manners and accountability.  I am, because it’s the way I was raised.  I am, because I looked around this earth and saw what was being “bred” to walk and rule our land, and I refused to bring more of that “mess” into the world.  I am, because I know that we can do better as a society and as Parents.

My friends laugh when I see kids in the store throwing fits and tantrums, talking back, or stories on television, such as this one about the Affluenza Disease, and I shake my head and say:  “God gave me what he knew I wouldn’t strangle.”  It’s funny, but I do believe it’s true.

So, these are the kinds of kids that I have:

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Because the other kind…

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…wouldn’t last one second in my home!

My latest quote: 

“I’m not being judgmental, but you’re not parenting properly.”  ~ NJ Original

Again, “YES, I SAID IT!”

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…and I didn’t bite my tongue or stutter when I did!

“Teach and discipline your kids properly, before the world and law enforcement steps in to do it for you.  Unfortunately, you might not like the lessons they have in store for your child!

~ Nonnie Jules

So, do tell, what is your take on this style of parenting?  Are/Were your kids allowed to talk back?  Do you think success is only measured by how much money is in someone’s bank account?  C’mon, be honest.  We don’t judge here.

Discipline Your Kids, or Law Enforcement Will Do It For You! #RRBC #Parenting #Parents

My 1st book, THE GOOD MOMMIES’ GUIDE TO RAISING (ALMOST) PERFECT DAUGHTERS”, 100 Tips On Raising Daughters Everyone Can’t Help But Love, delivers on it’s title.  The tips included in this book are tried and true.  There are some who will argue that there is no such thing as a “perfect” person, so for those naysayers, let me make myself clear, I raised (almost) perfect daughters, that means, they’re as close to perfect in the eyes of many, as you can get.  And the reason they were raised this way, is because I have zero tolerance for undisciplined children.

Recently, on a trip to WalMart, I could hear a kid screaming at the top of her lungs somewhere in the store.  Literally, screaming.  I then heard a little boy yelling at the top of his.  Well, I tipped over to find out what was wrong and to ensure that these kids were not in any danger.  (Yes, I’m that Mom).  What I found was a little girl sitting in a basket (unharmed), just crying/screaming; a little boy standing and yelling at an older woman, who appeared to be his grandmother/caregiver.  The woman walks over and says, “Let’s go, I’m not buying that for you.”  This little boy, who looked to be between 7-8 years old, stood there defiantly, folded his arms and shot back at her, “I’m not going anywhere! You are buying me those chips!” My eyes literally popped out of my head and are still on the floor of that WalMart.  That was a month ago, so please pardon any typos you might find here as I’m working without my usual eyes.

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The woman notices me and others who had started to gather, customers and employees alike, to witness this sad display of parenting.  When the boy didn’t budge, the woman says, “Well, I’m going to leave you right here.”  She walks away, pushing the basket which held the still-screaming little girl.

All you could hear was chatter in WalMart, people lining the aisles whispering and pointing, and it was extremely obvious that this woman was totally embarrassed.  She continued to shop as the little boy runs behind her, shouting what she was GOING to do for him.

I’m leading the pack that’s standing in the center aisle in disbelief, just waiting for the moment when this lady was going to put a stop to all that nonsense of screaming and embarrassment that they were causing her.

Then, out of nowhere, pushing her cart down an aisle, this older lady turns, stoops down and says to the little boy: “Why are you behaving like that?  You need to go and find your mom and do what she says.”  He folds his arms and stands in front of her, with that same defiant look he’d given to his guardian.  The lady stands up, shrugs her shoulders and just walks away.  The next scene that plays out, is another little older lady, who comes up to the little boy, grabs him by his arm (I’m smiling, cheering her on, by the way), and she is almost shouting in her little voice: “You are too old to behave this way!  You know better! You stop that screaming at your mom and you do as she says.” Then, Mr. Police Officer walks by, shaking his head in disbelief at these two kids who are being allowed to create such chaos in a public market.

The little older lady continues her rant and you can clearly hear her saying out loud, “Maybe someone should get that police officer to talk to him and scare him a bit.”  By this time, this little older lady is my champion.

So, the guardian returns when she sees little older lady talking to the boy, and says to him, “Get over here and let’s go!”  (Finally, she’s commanding him and he’s not commanding her).  It didn’t work, though, as he walked away and stood on yet another aisle pointing to the new object of his attention…screaming at the top of his lungs for her to get it for him.

As we (the members of the IN DISBELIEF CLUB OF WALMART that day), looked on, she walks over, grabs what he is pointing to and says, “Now, let’s go.”  I was just outdone in that moment.  Really?  She’s giving in to the demands of a 7-8 year old child? My husband, who had been searching for me for a while around the store (but remember, I was following the Carnival crowd), sees this and says, “Honey, hold your tongue, please, please.”  I’ve turned a few shades of red and he could feel the fury emanating from my body at the situation.

As the little girl is still screaming while being pushed in the cart, the little boy is running behind the guardian and smiling as he sticks out his tongue at all who is staring at him. (Although he was using his tongue to disrespect us, this is what I felt him doing…)

Tantrum boy shooting the finger

The lady heads directly to the register.  Finally, a WalMart manager comes over and asks the lady to leave the store.  Now, I don’t know if that manager broke any laws, but maybe she was trying to contain all the fury she felt building up in the customers who had witnessed this for far too long, and she was trying to get the woman to safety (out of my reach…because at that point, I wanted to personally whip her myself!)

The woman places the “thing” the little boy wanted on the counter, starts to push the basket with the screaming little girl out of the store as she is literally dragging him behind her, because he has sat down on the floor and refused to move.

Would you all like to know what I said to my husband?  I said, “He, at that age, is prison-bound if they don’t put a stop to his behavior right now!” YES, I SAID IT! and I didn’t bite my tongue doing it.  I firmly believe that no matter your race (because someone is going to throw race in this), if you don’t discipline your children and teach them properly, then the streets and law enforcement will do it for you. I had never witnessed such horror before in my life and I hope that I won’t have to witness anything like it ever again.

To all the parents who think that it’s cute that your little girl walks around disrespecting you at the age of 6, it’s not.  To all of you who feel that you want your kids to be FREE in what they do and say, think again and grow a parenting backbone.  My daughters are free to think on their own, and express themselves, but, always in a respectful manner and tone.  You can’t beat respect on any level, I don’t care what anyone says.  My daughters were always the ones who were used as examples in school for the other kids, and guess on what basis?  The teachers always, always pointed out just how respectful and mannerable they were.  My oldest is well into her twenties and you will still hear her saying on any given Sunday to her elders or any adult older than she:  “Yes, Ma’am, No, Ma’am, Yes, Sir, Thank you, Excuse Me, Please,” etc. and any other respectful phrase that you can think of, both my daughters use them.

Tip #18 in my parenting guide is about discipline.  I’m going to share that tip with you and then share with you the importance of it:

*DON’T BE AFRAID TO DISCIPLINE WHEN IT’S NEEDED.  Again, in full disclosure I must say that I have never physically disciplined my daughters, BUT, that was only because I didn’t have to.  I had 4 siblings and although the girls didn’t get spankings, only the boys did, I come from the school where whippings were just a part of life, and I also tend to think, we all turned out pretty well.  I believe that some children only need to be admonished from time to time, but others…well, that’s when we need to invoke the teachings of the Bible.  (Proverbs 22:15) says “Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him.”  Does this let you know that I believe in spankings? I hope it does, because I most certainly do!

I know that people differ on this subject;  some believe in physical discipline, others believe in only verbal, and some don’t believe in it at all…and that’s OK (as long as they keep those kids at their house).  I personally believe that parents should be allowed to discipline their children in the way they see fit for their family. (That’s not to say that kids should be allowed to get away with murder). That being said, a child should NEVER be bruised, injured or cut by a physical correction.

Physical discipline should always be done in love and never as a vent to the parent’s frustration.  It is also just one part of discipline and should ONLY be used when the child shows defiance to a clear limit, not in the heat of the moment.  No matter how it’s done, don’t be afraid to do it.  I must end this by re-iterating that discipline is something that you need to begin at an early age, and when I say early age, I mean DAY ONE!  You cannot wait until your child is 13, 14, or even 16 years old, standing taller than you, and decide that they’re a little too mouthy for you.  If you start disciplining from day one, I can assure you, “mouthing off” will never be a problem.

It’s no wonder that people still ask me, “How did you get them to turn out that way?” and I always respond, “It wasn’t that hard.”  Before I became a mother, what I saw in the world around me, made me want to be a much better parent and made me want to raise a different breed of child.  A better child.  The kind the world would appreciate on so many levels.  Examples for all the rest.  If you want children who will cause you to shed only happy tears in your old age, decide early that you will raise them in the proper manner.  The woman in WalMart that day, would never have had to deal with that humiliation, had she or whoever the parents of these children are, used some form of discipline.  And again, discipline is not just physical.  You teach your kids with your words, your actions and your consistency.  These were my forms of discipline

“THE GOOD MOMMIES’ GUIDE…” has tips that are not just for girls.  If you haven’t already, pick up a copy and share your thoughts with us.  See the trailer:

I hope that someone who has lived thru this woman’s humiliation before, is helped by this post. If you’re a new parent, just starting out, there is still time to walk down the right road, if you feel you’re headed down a bad one in your parenting.  I’d love to hear your thoughts, whatever they may be, on this topic.  How do you feel about discipline?  And honestly, how did your kids turn out?  I don’t mean just in your eyes, how do you think they’re viewed in the eyes of the world?  Will they/are they contributing and productive assets to today’s society and their community?

Community, let’s talk about this!

Growing Up Isn’t Easy for Us Moms…

This post today IS NOT for all the normal, care-free, happy-go-lucky moms who allow their kids all the freedoms they should be allowed.

1Happy Daughter

(She is definitely the cool, “more-loved” mom).

Oh, no.  This is a special blog for moms like me.  The not-so-normal ones, who love their kids “way too much” (if there is such a thing).  You know the ones who never want their kids to move away;  instead, we’d prefer they grow up, get married, and move back home, because we want to see them all the time…hug-and-kiss-them-as-if-they-were-still-little-tiny tots, all the time.  Yes, I’m that mom, and don’t judge me.  It’s not a good day for that.

1Mom yelling at daughter

(Like she really wants to move back home with this mom.  Wait, I’m not that mom…wrong photo!)

I’m this mom…

1Unhappy daughter

(…where the kid’s get tired of being hugged and loved all the time. OK, this one’s no better than the one up top. Oh, heck!).

I often wonder if my daughters really appreciate all that I do for them and all the love that I bestow upon them.  Sometimes, I think that “they feel” it’s too much.  But, I always tell them how some kids have many struggles and hardships to deal with daily, and how those same kids get no love and attention at all.  I go on to stress just how blessed they are.

My baby is now a teenager and she doesn’t need me as much as she used to.  Often, I just want to lie around in her room, hugging her, but she says…“Mommy, that is #TeamTooMuch.”  (I think that’s kid-speak for “Nobody lays around with their mom hugging them at my age.”)

My oldest, who is a young adult, but still lives at home as she chases after her 2nd Master’s Degree, needs me even less than that (but she will allow me to hug and kiss her more than the baby, although she does frown during the entire episode).  I am definitely one of those moms who will be facing an empty nest very soon, and I admit, I don’t think I’m going to handle it very well.

So, back to all the love and attention I give…If they feel I’m giving too much, and I feel it’s exactly what they need…what do we do at this impasse?  Although I don’t like to think about it, I still have a few suggestions that I, as “THE GOOD MOMMIES’ MOMMY” must share with you if you’re mom to teenage daughters, and if you’re of the not-so-normal breed, as I am.   C’mon, I’ll hold your hand as we cry thru these 5 favorites of mine, together:

*First, it’s time to recognize and realize that our babies are no longer of the “toddling” kind.  They are growing up into these little people with their own minds, their own dreams and desires, and their own friends… and although they still need us, when they are tall enough to see over the tops of our heads, they don’t need us as much;

*Realize that they don’t want to share everything with you anymore.  Remember when they couldn’t hold water and every little detail of every little thing, spilled out of their mouths at the drop of a hat?  Well, those days are long gone.  Now, they will share with you only what they want you to know, so stop prying.  It only annoys them and makes them share even less with you;

*Although I don’t condone dropping young girls off at the mall, we must realize that they, too, have social lives, and those young lives typically don’t coincide with our daily trips to WalMart, the pharmacy or the fabric store.  Let them make arrangements to meet with their friends for lunch or the movies, and while keeping their safety at the forefront of your brain, allow them that time to be away from you.  (Hey, although you may not want to go see “The Fault In Our Stars,”  I’m sure “Moms Night Out” is playing just down the hall.  Time your movies so that you walk into your separate theaters together, and so that you’re almost walking out together, as well. It makes them feel as if they are independent of you hovering over them, and it gives you peace of mind that you’re close by should your mommy-fear kick in to high gear);

*Let them know that they can talk to you about anything, anywhere at anytime.  When they come into your office and you’re all engrossed in the final chapter of your latest novel, put down pen and paper, or take your eyes off the computer and look at them.  Letting them know that they have your full attention when they need you, makes for you guys having a much better Mommy/Daughter relationship down the road;

*Even though you know that you’re already going to say “No” when she asks to camp out in front of an arena so that she’s first in line to get tickets, allow her to have her complete say.  Don’t shut her down just  because you’re already armed with that “No.”  After she has stated her case, ask her to give you a little time to think about it.  When you get together with her again, calmly explain why you have to use that “NO” (that you keep on hand for everything, but, she doesn’t need to know that).  In the end, she will respect you for having heard listened fully, and for “pretending” to think it thru before you came up with your answer).

No matter what kind of mom you are, as long as you love your kids and do the best that you can for them, that’s all that matters.  We’re all different and whether we agree on our parenting styles or not, all of our differences should be respected.  I joke about it, but I know how much my daughters love and appreciate me, but it’s always nice to have something humorous and helpful to blog about, right?  This growing up stuff isn’t easy for Moms.  Just know, that if you think you have areas you really need to work on, it’s never too late to become a better parent.  I try to get it right every day, and although I fail at times, my daughters always make me believe that it’s OK while they’re picking me up, face first, off the ground.  They even help me dust myself off from time to time, so I know I’m loved.

Before I go, I’d like to leave you with a prayer that I pray:

“Father, help me to be the best mom that I can be.  Help me to stop comparing myself with others.  Amen.”

Take care, moms, clingy and non, alike!

The BETTER PARENTING, BETTER KIDS Blog Tour!!!

Hi, my name is Nonnie Jules and welcome to the 1st day of my BETTER PARENTING, BETTER KIDS Blog Tour. Today I’m being hosted by my fellow RAVE REVIEWS BOOK CLUB board member, Kathryn Treat, on her blog BE MY GUEST.   I am honored that Kathryn offered to kick off my tour as she was one of the first people to ever read my parenting guide, THE GOOD MOMMIES’ GUIDE TO RAISING (ALMOST) PERFECT DAUGHTERS. She loved the book so much that she, of course, gave it a 5 star review. Here is a snippet of her review: “This book could be applicable to parents of sons as well, and would make a GREAT baby shower gift for NEW moms.” Kathryn and I quickly became friends, and it was greatly in part because of our parenting values. She, like me, also has two (almost) perfect daughters and she could relate to many of the points I had laid out in this guide.
Many times, people are drawn to each other for various reasons, most often because of commonalities they share. But in my case, I often find myself surrounded by parents who have kids who are the total opposite of mine. I’ve come to realize that the reason is because our parenting styles differ greatly.
I won’t say that I’m a strict parent, but I will say that there are certain things that I won’t compromise on (whether the child is 5 or 25): respect and manners. That being said, I have zero tolerance for poorly behaved children (and poorly behaved adults, for that matter), disrespectful children, and a lack of manners (for those kids who are of the age to “know better” in certain situations).
I am a firm believer that there are “some” things that children can come into the world knowing, but the major things have to be taught. From about 2-3 months after conception of both my daughters, I would often have conversations with them {in my tummy}, letting them know what would be acceptable and unacceptable when they made their entrances into my world. My husband would laugh if he walked by and I was having such a conversation with my “belly,” but hey, there was really a baby in there who was listening to me!
I can remember as if it were yesterday, repeatedly saying the following to them (while they were in my tummy):
“When you get here, you will not break mommy’s things” LOL;
“When you get here, you will be kind and respectful to others”.
Little did we know that those “lessons” would produce two of the most incredible daughters ever! My husband now tells parents-to-be: “Be sure you start teaching them early…while they’re still in the oven baking, because it really works!” Well, it seems he’s not laughing at me now, is he? Instead, he’s witnessing about that, which I knew early on. Call it my mother’s intuition if you want, but I knew, somewhere deep inside, that if I started “that” early, the results would be very different and not the norm.
When I was in college, I made the decision that I didn’t want kids. In my mind, they were just too messy and too much trouble and I was going to lead this grand life where there would be no room for these little people. When I got married and became expectant with my first child, I began to see things differently. I looked around the world and I knew instantly, what I DID NOT want my daughters to become. I saw these children who were so ill-mannered, that even now, I cringe when I hear a child call an adult by their first name without putting a “handle” before it…you know, “Mrs., Ms, Mr.” My skin crawls when I hear a parent calling out to their child and the child yells back, “What?” and I literally want to pull my finger nails off with plyers when I see a child throwing a tantrum in the store, or a child being disrespectful, by “talking back” to an adult. {In my mind, I’m secretly willing the parents to leave them with me for just one hour and I would promise the return of a most well-behaved child}.
I detest rudeness, so do you honestly think that I would have rude children? Absolutely not. I’m called Ms. Manners in some circles, so do you think that you would ever see a child of mine exhibiting poor ones? It would never happen.
We’ve all heard these two adages:
“The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.”
“If you want something you’ve never had, then you’ve got to do something you’ve never done.”
Well, I decided BEFORE my kids were born, that I was going to parent better. I knew that would be the only way for me to get the great kids that I now have. I was well aware that the parenting that I had seen before me, hadn’t worked, and I knew this because of the great many poorly parented kids I saw, even within my own family. I was determined to break this cycle so I went back to my own childhood, and although I don’t parent entirely the way my parents did, many of my methods are, as they say, “from the old school.” This new age parenting, let me ask some of you {in the voice and words of Sarah Palin}, “How’s that working out for ya?” With the crime rate growing because of young kids, I would go so far as to say, “Not well at all.”
Parents, we have to cultivate better if we want to produce better crops. We have to spend more time on them, and without neglecting ourselves, less time on those things that shouldn’t be as important as they are.
I hope that you will follow me for the next 7 days as I give you more insight into how we can create a much better world, and how better parenting can produce better kids. Even if you think this doesn’t involve you because you don’t have kids or your kids are grown, think of it this way: I’m sure you have nieces, nephews, grandkids or even god-children,  who you want to be the best. And maybe, just maybe, their parents aren’t able to read this message or the others I will be sharing on future stops. YOU can be their saving grace. YOU can be their messenger.  {TOUR LINE UP}.
I look forward to seeing you on my next stop where I will have another great message waiting just for you!

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AUTHOR BIO:
Nonnie Jules is the mother of two beautifully kind daughters, who along with the help of her husband, have turned out to be two of the greatest assets to this world. THE GOOD MOMMIES’ GUIDE TO RAISING (ALMOST) PERFECT DAUGHTERS is her first published piece of work and two weeks after publication, it hit Amazon’s Top 100 list, where it reached the #7 mark. With all the violence which is being exhibited by some children today, it is her vision and goal to get THE GOOD MOMMIES’ GUIDE…into the hands of everyone who breathes around a child. She feels the only way we can make this happen, is if we are all working from a common blueprint. Ms. Jules strongly believes that every opportunity we are given with a child, should be a teaching one for us and a learning one for them.
So far, Ms. Jules has authored two other books: a novel which she released in November of 2013, entitled “DAYDREAM’S DAUGHTER, NIGHTMARE’S FRIEND” and “SUGARCOATIN’ IS FOR CANDY & PACIFYIN’ IS FOR KIDS!” where she shares her no-holds-barred style of teaching us all about support and social media. Her second parenting guide {THE GOOD MOMMIES’ GUIDE TO BULLY-PROOF KIDS} is due for release the beginning of January, 2015 and the sequel to her debut novel, DAYDREAM’S DAUGHTER, shortly after. (Both have been delayed due to her extensive workload with RRBC).
She is a fan of the well-written word, and so along with 3 partners, she started 4WillsPublishing Co. in November, 2013 to assist other writers in putting out their best work ever. By December, 2013, she had founded the RAVE REVIEWS BOOK CLUB where in less than a year, the membership has rapidly grown to well over 500. If you’re not a member yet, this is your personal invitation to JOIN US!
As you can see, Nonnie is an Author on the move and if you’re interested in keeping up with her, here is her contact info (and a good pair of running shoes would help as well):
Twitter: @nonniejules
Facebook: Nonnie Jules, Author
Blogs/Websites:
4WillsPublishing.wordpress.com
BooksByNonnie.wordpress.com
NonnieWrites.wordpress.com

Thanks for stopping by and for your awesome show of support!   Please be kind enough to like this page before you leave as well as tweeting it, sharing it on Facebook and if you leave a comment, you could possibly win a seat ON THE SHELF with me in an upcoming segment at Rave Reviews Book Club! (For RRBC Members only).  Oh, and I invite you to pick up your own copy of THE GOOD MOMMIES’ GUIDE…I guarantee you a non-boring, very entertaining read.  IT’S NOT YOUR TYPICAL PARENTING GUIDE!!!

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