Tag Archive | discipline

#RRBC SPRINGTIME #BOOK & #BLOG BLOCK PARTY: You’re a Bad #Parent…

…or maybe you’re not!

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Hi and “WELCOME” to RAVE REVIEWS BOOK CLUB’S SPRINGTIME BOOK & BLOG BLOCK PARTY at ASK THE GOOD MOMMY!  Location:  Shreveport, LA.

# of Winners for this stop:  2

Here’s What I’m Giving Away Today:

(1) $15.00 Amazon Gift Card

(1) e-book copy of “THE GOOD MOMMIES’ GUIDE TO RAISING (ALMOST) PERFECT DAUGHTERS

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I know, the pic above is hilarious, but my daughters sent this to me!  Huge hint, you think?

I am so tired and just so busy that I thought I’d offer you a re-blog (to make things easier for me and to also engage those who hadn’t seen this post yet).

Many often wonder what separates a bad parent from a good parent.  In my mind, a very thin line is all.  But, I’m going to give you my 5 Top Tips of Good Parenting and if you can’t handle these, then we’re going to have to ask you to return your PARENTING LICENSE.  (Oh, I forgot, the law doesn’t require those for this very important job, although they should).  Here goes:

5 TOP TIPS FOR  PARENTING TEENS:

*BE A GOOD LISTENER.  Do you ever respond to your child with those horrible words your own parents used to throw at you…“Because I said so?”  The memories of those words haunt me still today.  I hated hearing (my mom) say that, and boy, did she say it often.  As a parent now, I have realized (thanks to my teenager who keeps me grounded) that “Because I said so,”  is not a response, nor is it a proper response.  When our kids come to us with their issues or questions and concerns, they are looking for solid answers from the people they are taught to trust, respect (and listen to) the most…their parents.  Learn to listen intently to their concerns, so that you are fully able to form a positive, clear, intelligent response;  one that will lead them in the right direction and not drive them into the arms of others, whose responses may not be in their best interest;

*AIM TO BE THEIR BEST PARENT…NOT THEIR BEST FRIEND.  Many parents spend so much time trying to be their kid’s best friend, that they lose sight of their real position, that of Parent.  Yes, we want our kids to think we’re “cool” and that we understand all they’re going thru, etc., and that’s OK.  But, what happens when you have to step out of BEST FRIEND mode and guide them in the right direction…which you can only do in BEST PARENT mode?  What do you do then?  You see, your kid’s friends are their age and they all have the same issues.  And, because they have the same issues, if they are advising each other, it’s like the blind leading the blind.  I remember some of the kids who grew up with my daughters, the ones who didn’t have traditional parents, the ones whose parents partied with them and drank with them, and allowed them “too much freedom.”  I would often hear them say to my daughters, “I wish I had a mom like that,”  or “I wish my mom was like your mom.”  You see, no matter how often they say that “we’re not cool,”  or “we just don’t understand,”  they really do want us in PARENT MODE with them.  It is only in that mode that they feel protected by us…safe. If you make it a habit to always “stay in your lane” (as the kids put it), the Parenting Lane, that is, then you will nurture the relationship as it should be.  Believe me, you have plenty of time to become their BEST FRIEND.  My timetable says that time should be rolling around pretty quickly, when they are adults, and maybe with kids of their own;

*ALWAYS REMAIN CALM.  Being a good listener is the best way to develop great rapport with your kids.  When your kids come to you for advice, no matter the topic (boys, girls, sex, relationships, drugs, etc.) listen to them and fully take in what they are communicating to you.  Your response to what they are sharing, is the make or break as to how they will handle their situations.  Don’t interrupt while they’re speaking, think before you respond, and above all else, remember that yelling is never the answer.  Don’t become part of their storm.  Be their calm, so that when their storm hits, their “emergency kit” will be filled with all the right tools to weather it;

*MODEL WHAT YOU WANT THEM TO DO AND BECOME.  Television, radio, social media and even friends at times, offer such negative influences that you want to remove it all from your child’s world.  I’ve been there myself, where I’ve heard of a profanity-laced TV show or one filled with too much kissing and ‘other stuff,’ that I’ve said to my kids “Nope, we won’t be watching that.”   That being said, I allowed my wonderful kids to watch shows like SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS and THE SIMPSONS, which other parents forbade in their homes.   Because my daughters were taught the difference between right and wrong from the very beginning and consistently, I wasn’t the least bit worried about them picking up any bad habits from these shows, but, I did appreciate the fact that there was such humor in the shows, that my children, with us, appreciated the laughs.  We love “funnies” in our home, so these were shows we enjoyed together.  Actually, we all still watch SPONGEBOB, even today.  I’ve said all this to say that, WE modeled what we wanted them to become.  Profanity is not allowed in our home, we don’t drink or smoke, we have open and ‘honest’ discussions, and we treat each other and those outside our home, with the utmost of kindness and respect.  We not only talked the talk, we walked the walk and that is what you should do, as a good parent;

*LOVE, LOVE, LOVE THEM, UNCONDITIONALLY.  I’ve heard parents say that sometimes, the poor behavior of their children makes them hard to love.  Although I’ve never felt this emotion, I’ve seen some kids who have put their parents thru the ringer, so I can definitely believe it.  I recently heard of a book called  HOW TO HUG A PORCUPINE and to my understanding, the premise of the book is that kids in their formative tween and full teen years, don’t really welcome the loving hugs and attention that they craved as babies and toddlers.  My daughters get so many hugs, kisses and so much love daily, that they probably want to run in the other direction when they see me coming towards them.  And, although they pretend as if they don’t like it, they really do.  I know this because when my oldest was away at college, she once said, “Believe it or not, I miss you kissing me all the time.”  My youngest said to me recently, “I’m going to miss sitting on your lap and snuggling with you when I wake each morn and before I go to bed at night.”  See, proof they like it!  So, go on, hug your porcupines!  They secretly love you doing so and don’t worry, their pines aren’t that prickly.

TGMG on BN counter med

Do you have some great parenting tips to share? Please share your comments below.  You know how much we like those!  I would also ask that you share this page onto all your social medium forums.  Thanks for dropping by and I hope to see you along the tour tomorrow!

Are you not a member of the RAVE REVIEWS BOOK CLUB yet?  Well, why the heck not?  What is wrong with you???  LOL!  We’d love for you to join us!

 

 

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Discipline Your Kids, or Law Enforcement Will Do It For You! #RRBC #Parenting #Parents

My 1st book, THE GOOD MOMMIES’ GUIDE TO RAISING (ALMOST) PERFECT DAUGHTERS”, 100 Tips On Raising Daughters Everyone Can’t Help But Love, delivers on it’s title.  The tips included in this book are tried and true.  There are some who will argue that there is no such thing as a “perfect” person, so for those naysayers, let me make myself clear, I raised (almost) perfect daughters, that means, they’re as close to perfect in the eyes of many, as you can get.  And the reason they were raised this way, is because I have zero tolerance for undisciplined children.

Recently, on a trip to WalMart, I could hear a kid screaming at the top of her lungs somewhere in the store.  Literally, screaming.  I then heard a little boy yelling at the top of his.  Well, I tipped over to find out what was wrong and to ensure that these kids were not in any danger.  (Yes, I’m that Mom).  What I found was a little girl sitting in a basket (unharmed), just crying/screaming; a little boy standing and yelling at an older woman, who appeared to be his grandmother/caregiver.  The woman walks over and says, “Let’s go, I’m not buying that for you.”  This little boy, who looked to be between 7-8 years old, stood there defiantly, folded his arms and shot back at her, “I’m not going anywhere! You are buying me those chips!” My eyes literally popped out of my head and are still on the floor of that WalMart.  That was a month ago, so please pardon any typos you might find here as I’m working without my usual eyes.

1screaming little girl

The woman notices me and others who had started to gather, customers and employees alike, to witness this sad display of parenting.  When the boy didn’t budge, the woman says, “Well, I’m going to leave you right here.”  She walks away, pushing the basket which held the still-screaming little girl.

All you could hear was chatter in WalMart, people lining the aisles whispering and pointing, and it was extremely obvious that this woman was totally embarrassed.  She continued to shop as the little boy runs behind her, shouting what she was GOING to do for him.

I’m leading the pack that’s standing in the center aisle in disbelief, just waiting for the moment when this lady was going to put a stop to all that nonsense of screaming and embarrassment that they were causing her.

Then, out of nowhere, pushing her cart down an aisle, this older lady turns, stoops down and says to the little boy: “Why are you behaving like that?  You need to go and find your mom and do what she says.”  He folds his arms and stands in front of her, with that same defiant look he’d given to his guardian.  The lady stands up, shrugs her shoulders and just walks away.  The next scene that plays out, is another little older lady, who comes up to the little boy, grabs him by his arm (I’m smiling, cheering her on, by the way), and she is almost shouting in her little voice: “You are too old to behave this way!  You know better! You stop that screaming at your mom and you do as she says.” Then, Mr. Police Officer walks by, shaking his head in disbelief at these two kids who are being allowed to create such chaos in a public market.

The little older lady continues her rant and you can clearly hear her saying out loud, “Maybe someone should get that police officer to talk to him and scare him a bit.”  By this time, this little older lady is my champion.

So, the guardian returns when she sees little older lady talking to the boy, and says to him, “Get over here and let’s go!”  (Finally, she’s commanding him and he’s not commanding her).  It didn’t work, though, as he walked away and stood on yet another aisle pointing to the new object of his attention…screaming at the top of his lungs for her to get it for him.

As we (the members of the IN DISBELIEF CLUB OF WALMART that day), looked on, she walks over, grabs what he is pointing to and says, “Now, let’s go.”  I was just outdone in that moment.  Really?  She’s giving in to the demands of a 7-8 year old child? My husband, who had been searching for me for a while around the store (but remember, I was following the Carnival crowd), sees this and says, “Honey, hold your tongue, please, please.”  I’ve turned a few shades of red and he could feel the fury emanating from my body at the situation.

As the little girl is still screaming while being pushed in the cart, the little boy is running behind the guardian and smiling as he sticks out his tongue at all who is staring at him. (Although he was using his tongue to disrespect us, this is what I felt him doing…)

Tantrum boy shooting the finger

The lady heads directly to the register.  Finally, a WalMart manager comes over and asks the lady to leave the store.  Now, I don’t know if that manager broke any laws, but maybe she was trying to contain all the fury she felt building up in the customers who had witnessed this for far too long, and she was trying to get the woman to safety (out of my reach…because at that point, I wanted to personally whip her myself!)

The woman places the “thing” the little boy wanted on the counter, starts to push the basket with the screaming little girl out of the store as she is literally dragging him behind her, because he has sat down on the floor and refused to move.

Would you all like to know what I said to my husband?  I said, “He, at that age, is prison-bound if they don’t put a stop to his behavior right now!” YES, I SAID IT! and I didn’t bite my tongue doing it.  I firmly believe that no matter your race (because someone is going to throw race in this), if you don’t discipline your children and teach them properly, then the streets and law enforcement will do it for you. I had never witnessed such horror before in my life and I hope that I won’t have to witness anything like it ever again.

To all the parents who think that it’s cute that your little girl walks around disrespecting you at the age of 6, it’s not.  To all of you who feel that you want your kids to be FREE in what they do and say, think again and grow a parenting backbone.  My daughters are free to think on their own, and express themselves, but, always in a respectful manner and tone.  You can’t beat respect on any level, I don’t care what anyone says.  My daughters were always the ones who were used as examples in school for the other kids, and guess on what basis?  The teachers always, always pointed out just how respectful and mannerable they were.  My oldest is well into her twenties and you will still hear her saying on any given Sunday to her elders or any adult older than she:  “Yes, Ma’am, No, Ma’am, Yes, Sir, Thank you, Excuse Me, Please,” etc. and any other respectful phrase that you can think of, both my daughters use them.

Tip #18 in my parenting guide is about discipline.  I’m going to share that tip with you and then share with you the importance of it:

*DON’T BE AFRAID TO DISCIPLINE WHEN IT’S NEEDED.  Again, in full disclosure I must say that I have never physically disciplined my daughters, BUT, that was only because I didn’t have to.  I had 4 siblings and although the girls didn’t get spankings, only the boys did, I come from the school where whippings were just a part of life, and I also tend to think, we all turned out pretty well.  I believe that some children only need to be admonished from time to time, but others…well, that’s when we need to invoke the teachings of the Bible.  (Proverbs 22:15) says “Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him.”  Does this let you know that I believe in spankings? I hope it does, because I most certainly do!

I know that people differ on this subject;  some believe in physical discipline, others believe in only verbal, and some don’t believe in it at all…and that’s OK (as long as they keep those kids at their house).  I personally believe that parents should be allowed to discipline their children in the way they see fit for their family. (That’s not to say that kids should be allowed to get away with murder). That being said, a child should NEVER be bruised, injured or cut by a physical correction.

Physical discipline should always be done in love and never as a vent to the parent’s frustration.  It is also just one part of discipline and should ONLY be used when the child shows defiance to a clear limit, not in the heat of the moment.  No matter how it’s done, don’t be afraid to do it.  I must end this by re-iterating that discipline is something that you need to begin at an early age, and when I say early age, I mean DAY ONE!  You cannot wait until your child is 13, 14, or even 16 years old, standing taller than you, and decide that they’re a little too mouthy for you.  If you start disciplining from day one, I can assure you, “mouthing off” will never be a problem.

It’s no wonder that people still ask me, “How did you get them to turn out that way?” and I always respond, “It wasn’t that hard.”  Before I became a mother, what I saw in the world around me, made me want to be a much better parent and made me want to raise a different breed of child.  A better child.  The kind the world would appreciate on so many levels.  Examples for all the rest.  If you want children who will cause you to shed only happy tears in your old age, decide early that you will raise them in the proper manner.  The woman in WalMart that day, would never have had to deal with that humiliation, had she or whoever the parents of these children are, used some form of discipline.  And again, discipline is not just physical.  You teach your kids with your words, your actions and your consistency.  These were my forms of discipline

“THE GOOD MOMMIES’ GUIDE…” has tips that are not just for girls.  If you haven’t already, pick up a copy and share your thoughts with us.  See the trailer:

I hope that someone who has lived thru this woman’s humiliation before, is helped by this post. If you’re a new parent, just starting out, there is still time to walk down the right road, if you feel you’re headed down a bad one in your parenting.  I’d love to hear your thoughts, whatever they may be, on this topic.  How do you feel about discipline?  And honestly, how did your kids turn out?  I don’t mean just in your eyes, how do you think they’re viewed in the eyes of the world?  Will they/are they contributing and productive assets to today’s society and their community?

Community, let’s talk about this!