Tag Archive | Ask The Good Mommy

#RRBC SPRINGTIME #BOOK & #BLOG BLOCK PARTY: You’re a Bad #Parent…

…or maybe you’re not!

RRBC Badges (2)

Hi and “WELCOME” to RAVE REVIEWS BOOK CLUB’S SPRINGTIME BOOK & BLOG BLOCK PARTY at ASK THE GOOD MOMMY!  Location:  Shreveport, LA.

# of Winners for this stop:  2

Here’s What I’m Giving Away Today:

(1) $15.00 Amazon Gift Card

(1) e-book copy of “THE GOOD MOMMIES’ GUIDE TO RAISING (ALMOST) PERFECT DAUGHTERS

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I know, the pic above is hilarious, but my daughters sent this to me!  Huge hint, you think?

I am so tired and just so busy that I thought I’d offer you a re-blog (to make things easier for me and to also engage those who hadn’t seen this post yet).

Many often wonder what separates a bad parent from a good parent.  In my mind, a very thin line is all.  But, I’m going to give you my 5 Top Tips of Good Parenting and if you can’t handle these, then we’re going to have to ask you to return your PARENTING LICENSE.  (Oh, I forgot, the law doesn’t require those for this very important job, although they should).  Here goes:

5 TOP TIPS FOR  PARENTING TEENS:

*BE A GOOD LISTENER.  Do you ever respond to your child with those horrible words your own parents used to throw at you…“Because I said so?”  The memories of those words haunt me still today.  I hated hearing (my mom) say that, and boy, did she say it often.  As a parent now, I have realized (thanks to my teenager who keeps me grounded) that “Because I said so,”  is not a response, nor is it a proper response.  When our kids come to us with their issues or questions and concerns, they are looking for solid answers from the people they are taught to trust, respect (and listen to) the most…their parents.  Learn to listen intently to their concerns, so that you are fully able to form a positive, clear, intelligent response;  one that will lead them in the right direction and not drive them into the arms of others, whose responses may not be in their best interest;

*AIM TO BE THEIR BEST PARENT…NOT THEIR BEST FRIEND.  Many parents spend so much time trying to be their kid’s best friend, that they lose sight of their real position, that of Parent.  Yes, we want our kids to think we’re “cool” and that we understand all they’re going thru, etc., and that’s OK.  But, what happens when you have to step out of BEST FRIEND mode and guide them in the right direction…which you can only do in BEST PARENT mode?  What do you do then?  You see, your kid’s friends are their age and they all have the same issues.  And, because they have the same issues, if they are advising each other, it’s like the blind leading the blind.  I remember some of the kids who grew up with my daughters, the ones who didn’t have traditional parents, the ones whose parents partied with them and drank with them, and allowed them “too much freedom.”  I would often hear them say to my daughters, “I wish I had a mom like that,”  or “I wish my mom was like your mom.”  You see, no matter how often they say that “we’re not cool,”  or “we just don’t understand,”  they really do want us in PARENT MODE with them.  It is only in that mode that they feel protected by us…safe. If you make it a habit to always “stay in your lane” (as the kids put it), the Parenting Lane, that is, then you will nurture the relationship as it should be.  Believe me, you have plenty of time to become their BEST FRIEND.  My timetable says that time should be rolling around pretty quickly, when they are adults, and maybe with kids of their own;

*ALWAYS REMAIN CALM.  Being a good listener is the best way to develop great rapport with your kids.  When your kids come to you for advice, no matter the topic (boys, girls, sex, relationships, drugs, etc.) listen to them and fully take in what they are communicating to you.  Your response to what they are sharing, is the make or break as to how they will handle their situations.  Don’t interrupt while they’re speaking, think before you respond, and above all else, remember that yelling is never the answer.  Don’t become part of their storm.  Be their calm, so that when their storm hits, their “emergency kit” will be filled with all the right tools to weather it;

*MODEL WHAT YOU WANT THEM TO DO AND BECOME.  Television, radio, social media and even friends at times, offer such negative influences that you want to remove it all from your child’s world.  I’ve been there myself, where I’ve heard of a profanity-laced TV show or one filled with too much kissing and ‘other stuff,’ that I’ve said to my kids “Nope, we won’t be watching that.”   That being said, I allowed my wonderful kids to watch shows like SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS and THE SIMPSONS, which other parents forbade in their homes.   Because my daughters were taught the difference between right and wrong from the very beginning and consistently, I wasn’t the least bit worried about them picking up any bad habits from these shows, but, I did appreciate the fact that there was such humor in the shows, that my children, with us, appreciated the laughs.  We love “funnies” in our home, so these were shows we enjoyed together.  Actually, we all still watch SPONGEBOB, even today.  I’ve said all this to say that, WE modeled what we wanted them to become.  Profanity is not allowed in our home, we don’t drink or smoke, we have open and ‘honest’ discussions, and we treat each other and those outside our home, with the utmost of kindness and respect.  We not only talked the talk, we walked the walk and that is what you should do, as a good parent;

*LOVE, LOVE, LOVE THEM, UNCONDITIONALLY.  I’ve heard parents say that sometimes, the poor behavior of their children makes them hard to love.  Although I’ve never felt this emotion, I’ve seen some kids who have put their parents thru the ringer, so I can definitely believe it.  I recently heard of a book called  HOW TO HUG A PORCUPINE and to my understanding, the premise of the book is that kids in their formative tween and full teen years, don’t really welcome the loving hugs and attention that they craved as babies and toddlers.  My daughters get so many hugs, kisses and so much love daily, that they probably want to run in the other direction when they see me coming towards them.  And, although they pretend as if they don’t like it, they really do.  I know this because when my oldest was away at college, she once said, “Believe it or not, I miss you kissing me all the time.”  My youngest said to me recently, “I’m going to miss sitting on your lap and snuggling with you when I wake each morn and before I go to bed at night.”  See, proof they like it!  So, go on, hug your porcupines!  They secretly love you doing so and don’t worry, their pines aren’t that prickly.

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Do you have some great parenting tips to share? Please share your comments below.  You know how much we like those!  I would also ask that you share this page onto all your social medium forums.  Thanks for dropping by and I hope to see you along the tour tomorrow!

Are you not a member of the RAVE REVIEWS BOOK CLUB yet?  Well, why the heck not?  What is wrong with you???  LOL!  We’d love for you to join us!

 

 

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Now We’re Putting #Disrespect On A Pedestal? #RRBC

OK, so the latest nonsense in this no-parenting Parenting, which is ringing loudly in my ears and almost causing me to go deaf, is the theory  (and I quote) that “Kids who talk back, become more successful adults.”  Well, this “nonsense” infuriates me so much, that lots of choice words come to mind each time I read that line, but, since this is a kid-friendly blog, I will keep them to myself.

It should come as no surprise to all who have read my parenting guide, “THE GOOD MOMMIES’ GUIDE TO RAISING (ALMOST) PERFECT DAUGHTERS…100 Tips On Raising Daughters Everyone Can’t Help But Love”

TGMG on BN counter med

…that I don’t agree with this “nonsense” at all.  (I will continue to refer to it as nonsense, by the way, as that’s exactly what it is).

“Kids talking back is a perennial complaint of parents,” states an article that I read on Yahoo recently.  Well, that complaint is valid, and kudos to those parents who are upset about this and not embracing the “nonsense.”

This Yahoo article quotes the experts who say that, “This behavior is developmentally healthy for kids.”  I would have to disagree and say that, as an expert, “This behavior in my home would be extremely unhealthy and could prove to be detrimental to a kid’s teeth.” (Yes, I said it!)  I mean, kids do still lose their teeth by methods that aren’t traditionally used in dentist’ offices, right?

My very own teenager, who, when I shared this theory and article with her, looked at me and said:  “Mommy, that’s just an excuse for certain parents to let their kids get away with talking back to them because they don’t want to take the time, or they don’t know how to properly discipline them.”  (#ProudMommyOnBoardHere!  As they say, “From the mouths of babes.”)  Even she, as a child, understands this point, so, why can’t people twice and three times her age get it?

I have two of the most successful daughters in all the world.  My teenager is on track to graduating Magna Cum Laude in her school;  she’s a literal genius (smarter than a whip and sharper than many adults I know);  she’s a phenomenal athlete,  and she’s honest and uberly respectful.  Never talked back a day in her life!

Then, there’s my adult daughter:  on her way to getting her two masters degrees, busy as a bee in very constructive ventures, highly sought after by every employable agency in her field, doesn’t sleep around with every Tom, Dick and Harry (YES! An adult Lady who still has her virginity…go figure), and uberly, uberly respectful.  Never talked back a day in her life!  Never used a profane word in her life!  Yet, out of all her adult counterparts who are her age or older, I can’t name one who is as successful as she is.  I can’t name one who has a reputation like she does.  I can’t put my finger on one who is as trusted and respected as she is.

And then, there are their parents, my husband and I…successful business owners, highly regarded in our community, and yet, neither one of us ever talked back to our parents…we dared not!

Are we still going with what these experts say?  Has anyone heard of the entitled kid from Dallas, Texas with “Affluenza” Disease? (What a joke).  You know, the one who killed four people while driving drunk and was then only given a slap on the wrist (probation)? The one who then spit in the face of the same justice system who gave him that slap on the wrist and fled the country to avoid charges after he violated that probation?  The same one whose mom, when asked how she disciplined him when he acted up (talked back), said she took his toys and games away.  Really?  That’s ALL you did?  Hmmm…no wonder.  I would stake the life of everyone that I hold dear that he talked back!  And probably was using those choice words I withheld above by the time he was 2 years old and could mouth them!  I think we should start measuring success by more than just the size of our bank accounts.

So, I’m sure you all can see why I’m going to have to agree with my teenager, who says that this “nonsense” is just another excuse for certain parents to get away with raising their kids improperly, OR, not even raising them at all.  The sad part about all of this “nonsense,” is that these same kids who are being allowed to talk back, in hopes that they will become more successful in their adult lives, are being set up to fall into a few (sometimes deadly) traps:

*What do you think is going to happen when they are in daycare or after-school care with people who have low tolerance for kids who talk back or disobey?

*What do you think is going to happen when they’re in classrooms at school with teachers who have zero tolerance for kids who talk back or disobey?

*Lastly, what do you think is going to happen when they are stopped by a law enforcement officer who has the power to strip them of every right they have, on the spot, just because you allowed them to “mouth off” to you?

We need to remember, that what we allow in our homes, is not necessarily going to go over well outside of our home. Then, we need to also keep in the forefront of our minds, that everyone isn’t in love with our kids the way we are.  And lastly, never forget, that evil sometimes walks the earth day and night, in the form of daycare workers, teachers, and law enforcement officers.  So, I would advise you to teach your kids to be respectful, manner-able, hardworking, and driven Go-getters.  In my eyes, all signs that they are properly armed with the tools they’ll need to become successful adults.

My beautiful daughters have never been spanked, cussed at, berated or made to feel anything but the most staggering kind of love in all the world, yet, I am a firm believer in discipline, teaching kids right from wrong, and teaching respect, manners and accountability.  I am, because it’s the way I was raised.  I am, because I looked around this earth and saw what was being “bred” to walk and rule our land, and I refused to bring more of that “mess” into the world.  I am, because I know that we can do better as a society and as Parents.

My friends laugh when I see kids in the store throwing fits and tantrums, talking back, or stories on television, such as this one about the Affluenza Disease, and I shake my head and say:  “God gave me what he knew I wouldn’t strangle.”  It’s funny, but I do believe it’s true.

So, these are the kinds of kids that I have:

1Happy Daughter

Because the other kind…

1Mom yelling at daughter

…wouldn’t last one second in my home!

My latest quote: 

“I’m not being judgmental, but you’re not parenting properly.”  ~ NJ Original

Again, “YES, I SAID IT!”

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…and I didn’t bite my tongue or stutter when I did!

“Teach and discipline your kids properly, before the world and law enforcement steps in to do it for you.  Unfortunately, you might not like the lessons they have in store for your child!

~ Nonnie Jules

So, do tell, what is your take on this style of parenting?  Are/Were your kids allowed to talk back?  Do you think success is only measured by how much money is in someone’s bank account?  C’mon, be honest.  We don’t judge here.

Growing Up Isn’t Easy for Us Moms…

This post today IS NOT for all the normal, care-free, happy-go-lucky moms who allow their kids all the freedoms they should be allowed.

1Happy Daughter

(She is definitely the cool, “more-loved” mom).

Oh, no.  This is a special blog for moms like me.  The not-so-normal ones, who love their kids “way too much” (if there is such a thing).  You know the ones who never want their kids to move away;  instead, we’d prefer they grow up, get married, and move back home, because we want to see them all the time…hug-and-kiss-them-as-if-they-were-still-little-tiny tots, all the time.  Yes, I’m that mom, and don’t judge me.  It’s not a good day for that.

1Mom yelling at daughter

(Like she really wants to move back home with this mom.  Wait, I’m not that mom…wrong photo!)

I’m this mom…

1Unhappy daughter

(…where the kid’s get tired of being hugged and loved all the time. OK, this one’s no better than the one up top. Oh, heck!).

I often wonder if my daughters really appreciate all that I do for them and all the love that I bestow upon them.  Sometimes, I think that “they feel” it’s too much.  But, I always tell them how some kids have many struggles and hardships to deal with daily, and how those same kids get no love and attention at all.  I go on to stress just how blessed they are.

My baby is now a teenager and she doesn’t need me as much as she used to.  Often, I just want to lie around in her room, hugging her, but she says…“Mommy, that is #TeamTooMuch.”  (I think that’s kid-speak for “Nobody lays around with their mom hugging them at my age.”)

My oldest, who is a young adult, but still lives at home as she chases after her 2nd Master’s Degree, needs me even less than that (but she will allow me to hug and kiss her more than the baby, although she does frown during the entire episode).  I am definitely one of those moms who will be facing an empty nest very soon, and I admit, I don’t think I’m going to handle it very well.

So, back to all the love and attention I give…If they feel I’m giving too much, and I feel it’s exactly what they need…what do we do at this impasse?  Although I don’t like to think about it, I still have a few suggestions that I, as “THE GOOD MOMMIES’ MOMMY” must share with you if you’re mom to teenage daughters, and if you’re of the not-so-normal breed, as I am.   C’mon, I’ll hold your hand as we cry thru these 5 favorites of mine, together:

*First, it’s time to recognize and realize that our babies are no longer of the “toddling” kind.  They are growing up into these little people with their own minds, their own dreams and desires, and their own friends… and although they still need us, when they are tall enough to see over the tops of our heads, they don’t need us as much;

*Realize that they don’t want to share everything with you anymore.  Remember when they couldn’t hold water and every little detail of every little thing, spilled out of their mouths at the drop of a hat?  Well, those days are long gone.  Now, they will share with you only what they want you to know, so stop prying.  It only annoys them and makes them share even less with you;

*Although I don’t condone dropping young girls off at the mall, we must realize that they, too, have social lives, and those young lives typically don’t coincide with our daily trips to WalMart, the pharmacy or the fabric store.  Let them make arrangements to meet with their friends for lunch or the movies, and while keeping their safety at the forefront of your brain, allow them that time to be away from you.  (Hey, although you may not want to go see “The Fault In Our Stars,”  I’m sure “Moms Night Out” is playing just down the hall.  Time your movies so that you walk into your separate theaters together, and so that you’re almost walking out together, as well. It makes them feel as if they are independent of you hovering over them, and it gives you peace of mind that you’re close by should your mommy-fear kick in to high gear);

*Let them know that they can talk to you about anything, anywhere at anytime.  When they come into your office and you’re all engrossed in the final chapter of your latest novel, put down pen and paper, or take your eyes off the computer and look at them.  Letting them know that they have your full attention when they need you, makes for you guys having a much better Mommy/Daughter relationship down the road;

*Even though you know that you’re already going to say “No” when she asks to camp out in front of an arena so that she’s first in line to get tickets, allow her to have her complete say.  Don’t shut her down just  because you’re already armed with that “No.”  After she has stated her case, ask her to give you a little time to think about it.  When you get together with her again, calmly explain why you have to use that “NO” (that you keep on hand for everything, but, she doesn’t need to know that).  In the end, she will respect you for having heard listened fully, and for “pretending” to think it thru before you came up with your answer).

No matter what kind of mom you are, as long as you love your kids and do the best that you can for them, that’s all that matters.  We’re all different and whether we agree on our parenting styles or not, all of our differences should be respected.  I joke about it, but I know how much my daughters love and appreciate me, but it’s always nice to have something humorous and helpful to blog about, right?  This growing up stuff isn’t easy for Moms.  Just know, that if you think you have areas you really need to work on, it’s never too late to become a better parent.  I try to get it right every day, and although I fail at times, my daughters always make me believe that it’s OK while they’re picking me up, face first, off the ground.  They even help me dust myself off from time to time, so I know I’m loved.

Before I go, I’d like to leave you with a prayer that I pray:

“Father, help me to be the best mom that I can be.  Help me to stop comparing myself with others.  Amen.”

Take care, moms, clingy and non, alike!

Welcome AUTHOR, NICHOLAS ROSSIS & The Runaway Smile Blog Tour!

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Hello, everyone and welcome to ASK THE GOOD MOMMY!  Today, I have nothing to share, but I’m so pleased to have a fellow author, co-worker and friend here…who does!  Author, Nicholas Rossis is on a blog tour for his latest release, THE RUNAWAY SMILE.  It’s an awesome read for you to share with your kids and that’s why we’re so happy he’s introducing it to us, aren’t we?  Because here, we’re all about kids and parenting.  Now, with as much fanfare as we can muster, let’s all give it up for Nicholas Rossisssssss!!!!!!!!

Nicholas Rossis bio pic

MY ILLUSTRATOR FRIEND

Writing a children’s book has some unique challenges. For example, how to choose the illustrator. This person will have to share your vision and be able to paint the images in your head.

In my case, my childhood friend Dimitris Fousekis is as much the creator of my children’s book, Runaway Smile, as I am. In fact, the book started out as a silly poem that I was playing with in my head (you can read the final version of it at the end of the book). One day, back in 2012, I was having him over for lunch. He’s a professional illustrator and liked the poem so much, that he suggested we turn it into a children’s book. This was before I decided to become an author, and Pearseus had not even been conceived, so I was intrigued by the idea.

The book was written by me, but I used several ideas that had come up during our conversations. We then read through it together, improving it and coming up with gags and ideas for illustrations. Obviously, everything has to be approved by our pets, as you can see by the photo.

Fousekis-Rossis

If you want to see what we came up with, you can read Runaway Smile, online for free!

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Book Blurb:

“I woke up this morning and I had lost my smile and it wasn’t my fault and I looked everywhere and it was gone. Then I met a workman and a king and the best salesman in the world and a clown and no-one wanted to give me theirs. At school, I asked Miss to give me hers, but she gave us a pop quiz instead, and then no-one was smiling and…”

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From the blog of Nicholas C. Rossis, author of science fiction, the Pearseus epic fantasy series and children’s books…

A little boy wakes up in the morning and realizes he has lost his smile. After spending the entire day trying to find it, he learns the truth behind smiles: the only real smiles are the shared ones.

Contact Information

I’m all around the Internet, but the best place to find me would be my blog, http://nicholasrossis.me/.

Anyone interested in my books can check them out on Amazon:
http://www.amazon.com/Nicholas-C.-Rossis/e/B00FXXIBZA/

Also, people can read for free both Pearseus: Schism, on Goodreads and
Runaway Smile on my blog: http://nicholasrossis.me/childrens-books/

Other places to connect with me include

• Twitter – www.twitter.com/Nicholas_Rossis
• Google+ – https://plus.google.com/+NicholasRossis and
• Facebook – www.facebook.com/NicholasCRossis

Brief Bio:

Avid reader. Web developer. Architect by training, holder of a PhD in Digital Architecture from the University of Edinburgh. Most importantly, author.

Nicholas loves to write. He has published Runaway Smile, a children’s book, and the Amazon best-selling epic fantasy series, Pearseus. The fourth book in the series is currently edited, and expected to be released mid-February.

He has also published The Power of Six, a collection of short sci-fi stories that include his award-winning short story, I Come in Peace. This, too, has reached #1 on Amazon.

Nicholas lives in Athens, Greece, at a forest’s edge, with his wife, dog and two very silly cats, one of whom is always sitting on his lap, so please excuse any typos in his blog posts: typing with one hand can be hard. Mercifully, all of his books are professionally edited.
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