Tag Archive | Advice

#RRBC SPRINGTIME #BOOK & #BLOG BLOCK PARTY: You’re a Bad #Parent…

…or maybe you’re not!

RRBC Badges (2)

Hi and “WELCOME” to RAVE REVIEWS BOOK CLUB’S SPRINGTIME BOOK & BLOG BLOCK PARTY at ASK THE GOOD MOMMY!  Location:  Shreveport, LA.

# of Winners for this stop:  2

Here’s What I’m Giving Away Today:

(1) $15.00 Amazon Gift Card

(1) e-book copy of “THE GOOD MOMMIES’ GUIDE TO RAISING (ALMOST) PERFECT DAUGHTERS

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I know, the pic above is hilarious, but my daughters sent this to me!  Huge hint, you think?

I am so tired and just so busy that I thought I’d offer you a re-blog (to make things easier for me and to also engage those who hadn’t seen this post yet).

Many often wonder what separates a bad parent from a good parent.  In my mind, a very thin line is all.  But, I’m going to give you my 5 Top Tips of Good Parenting and if you can’t handle these, then we’re going to have to ask you to return your PARENTING LICENSE.  (Oh, I forgot, the law doesn’t require those for this very important job, although they should).  Here goes:

5 TOP TIPS FOR  PARENTING TEENS:

*BE A GOOD LISTENER.  Do you ever respond to your child with those horrible words your own parents used to throw at you…“Because I said so?”  The memories of those words haunt me still today.  I hated hearing (my mom) say that, and boy, did she say it often.  As a parent now, I have realized (thanks to my teenager who keeps me grounded) that “Because I said so,”  is not a response, nor is it a proper response.  When our kids come to us with their issues or questions and concerns, they are looking for solid answers from the people they are taught to trust, respect (and listen to) the most…their parents.  Learn to listen intently to their concerns, so that you are fully able to form a positive, clear, intelligent response;  one that will lead them in the right direction and not drive them into the arms of others, whose responses may not be in their best interest;

*AIM TO BE THEIR BEST PARENT…NOT THEIR BEST FRIEND.  Many parents spend so much time trying to be their kid’s best friend, that they lose sight of their real position, that of Parent.  Yes, we want our kids to think we’re “cool” and that we understand all they’re going thru, etc., and that’s OK.  But, what happens when you have to step out of BEST FRIEND mode and guide them in the right direction…which you can only do in BEST PARENT mode?  What do you do then?  You see, your kid’s friends are their age and they all have the same issues.  And, because they have the same issues, if they are advising each other, it’s like the blind leading the blind.  I remember some of the kids who grew up with my daughters, the ones who didn’t have traditional parents, the ones whose parents partied with them and drank with them, and allowed them “too much freedom.”  I would often hear them say to my daughters, “I wish I had a mom like that,”  or “I wish my mom was like your mom.”  You see, no matter how often they say that “we’re not cool,”  or “we just don’t understand,”  they really do want us in PARENT MODE with them.  It is only in that mode that they feel protected by us…safe. If you make it a habit to always “stay in your lane” (as the kids put it), the Parenting Lane, that is, then you will nurture the relationship as it should be.  Believe me, you have plenty of time to become their BEST FRIEND.  My timetable says that time should be rolling around pretty quickly, when they are adults, and maybe with kids of their own;

*ALWAYS REMAIN CALM.  Being a good listener is the best way to develop great rapport with your kids.  When your kids come to you for advice, no matter the topic (boys, girls, sex, relationships, drugs, etc.) listen to them and fully take in what they are communicating to you.  Your response to what they are sharing, is the make or break as to how they will handle their situations.  Don’t interrupt while they’re speaking, think before you respond, and above all else, remember that yelling is never the answer.  Don’t become part of their storm.  Be their calm, so that when their storm hits, their “emergency kit” will be filled with all the right tools to weather it;

*MODEL WHAT YOU WANT THEM TO DO AND BECOME.  Television, radio, social media and even friends at times, offer such negative influences that you want to remove it all from your child’s world.  I’ve been there myself, where I’ve heard of a profanity-laced TV show or one filled with too much kissing and ‘other stuff,’ that I’ve said to my kids “Nope, we won’t be watching that.”   That being said, I allowed my wonderful kids to watch shows like SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS and THE SIMPSONS, which other parents forbade in their homes.   Because my daughters were taught the difference between right and wrong from the very beginning and consistently, I wasn’t the least bit worried about them picking up any bad habits from these shows, but, I did appreciate the fact that there was such humor in the shows, that my children, with us, appreciated the laughs.  We love “funnies” in our home, so these were shows we enjoyed together.  Actually, we all still watch SPONGEBOB, even today.  I’ve said all this to say that, WE modeled what we wanted them to become.  Profanity is not allowed in our home, we don’t drink or smoke, we have open and ‘honest’ discussions, and we treat each other and those outside our home, with the utmost of kindness and respect.  We not only talked the talk, we walked the walk and that is what you should do, as a good parent;

*LOVE, LOVE, LOVE THEM, UNCONDITIONALLY.  I’ve heard parents say that sometimes, the poor behavior of their children makes them hard to love.  Although I’ve never felt this emotion, I’ve seen some kids who have put their parents thru the ringer, so I can definitely believe it.  I recently heard of a book called  HOW TO HUG A PORCUPINE and to my understanding, the premise of the book is that kids in their formative tween and full teen years, don’t really welcome the loving hugs and attention that they craved as babies and toddlers.  My daughters get so many hugs, kisses and so much love daily, that they probably want to run in the other direction when they see me coming towards them.  And, although they pretend as if they don’t like it, they really do.  I know this because when my oldest was away at college, she once said, “Believe it or not, I miss you kissing me all the time.”  My youngest said to me recently, “I’m going to miss sitting on your lap and snuggling with you when I wake each morn and before I go to bed at night.”  See, proof they like it!  So, go on, hug your porcupines!  They secretly love you doing so and don’t worry, their pines aren’t that prickly.

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Do you have some great parenting tips to share? Please share your comments below.  You know how much we like those!  I would also ask that you share this page onto all your social medium forums.  Thanks for dropping by and I hope to see you along the tour tomorrow!

Are you not a member of the RAVE REVIEWS BOOK CLUB yet?  Well, why the heck not?  What is wrong with you???  LOL!  We’d love for you to join us!

 

 

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Growing Up Isn’t Easy for Us Moms…

This post today IS NOT for all the normal, care-free, happy-go-lucky moms who allow their kids all the freedoms they should be allowed.

1Happy Daughter

(She is definitely the cool, “more-loved” mom).

Oh, no.  This is a special blog for moms like me.  The not-so-normal ones, who love their kids “way too much” (if there is such a thing).  You know the ones who never want their kids to move away;  instead, we’d prefer they grow up, get married, and move back home, because we want to see them all the time…hug-and-kiss-them-as-if-they-were-still-little-tiny tots, all the time.  Yes, I’m that mom, and don’t judge me.  It’s not a good day for that.

1Mom yelling at daughter

(Like she really wants to move back home with this mom.  Wait, I’m not that mom…wrong photo!)

I’m this mom…

1Unhappy daughter

(…where the kid’s get tired of being hugged and loved all the time. OK, this one’s no better than the one up top. Oh, heck!).

I often wonder if my daughters really appreciate all that I do for them and all the love that I bestow upon them.  Sometimes, I think that “they feel” it’s too much.  But, I always tell them how some kids have many struggles and hardships to deal with daily, and how those same kids get no love and attention at all.  I go on to stress just how blessed they are.

My baby is now a teenager and she doesn’t need me as much as she used to.  Often, I just want to lie around in her room, hugging her, but she says…“Mommy, that is #TeamTooMuch.”  (I think that’s kid-speak for “Nobody lays around with their mom hugging them at my age.”)

My oldest, who is a young adult, but still lives at home as she chases after her 2nd Master’s Degree, needs me even less than that (but she will allow me to hug and kiss her more than the baby, although she does frown during the entire episode).  I am definitely one of those moms who will be facing an empty nest very soon, and I admit, I don’t think I’m going to handle it very well.

So, back to all the love and attention I give…If they feel I’m giving too much, and I feel it’s exactly what they need…what do we do at this impasse?  Although I don’t like to think about it, I still have a few suggestions that I, as “THE GOOD MOMMIES’ MOMMY” must share with you if you’re mom to teenage daughters, and if you’re of the not-so-normal breed, as I am.   C’mon, I’ll hold your hand as we cry thru these 5 favorites of mine, together:

*First, it’s time to recognize and realize that our babies are no longer of the “toddling” kind.  They are growing up into these little people with their own minds, their own dreams and desires, and their own friends… and although they still need us, when they are tall enough to see over the tops of our heads, they don’t need us as much;

*Realize that they don’t want to share everything with you anymore.  Remember when they couldn’t hold water and every little detail of every little thing, spilled out of their mouths at the drop of a hat?  Well, those days are long gone.  Now, they will share with you only what they want you to know, so stop prying.  It only annoys them and makes them share even less with you;

*Although I don’t condone dropping young girls off at the mall, we must realize that they, too, have social lives, and those young lives typically don’t coincide with our daily trips to WalMart, the pharmacy or the fabric store.  Let them make arrangements to meet with their friends for lunch or the movies, and while keeping their safety at the forefront of your brain, allow them that time to be away from you.  (Hey, although you may not want to go see “The Fault In Our Stars,”  I’m sure “Moms Night Out” is playing just down the hall.  Time your movies so that you walk into your separate theaters together, and so that you’re almost walking out together, as well. It makes them feel as if they are independent of you hovering over them, and it gives you peace of mind that you’re close by should your mommy-fear kick in to high gear);

*Let them know that they can talk to you about anything, anywhere at anytime.  When they come into your office and you’re all engrossed in the final chapter of your latest novel, put down pen and paper, or take your eyes off the computer and look at them.  Letting them know that they have your full attention when they need you, makes for you guys having a much better Mommy/Daughter relationship down the road;

*Even though you know that you’re already going to say “No” when she asks to camp out in front of an arena so that she’s first in line to get tickets, allow her to have her complete say.  Don’t shut her down just  because you’re already armed with that “No.”  After she has stated her case, ask her to give you a little time to think about it.  When you get together with her again, calmly explain why you have to use that “NO” (that you keep on hand for everything, but, she doesn’t need to know that).  In the end, she will respect you for having heard listened fully, and for “pretending” to think it thru before you came up with your answer).

No matter what kind of mom you are, as long as you love your kids and do the best that you can for them, that’s all that matters.  We’re all different and whether we agree on our parenting styles or not, all of our differences should be respected.  I joke about it, but I know how much my daughters love and appreciate me, but it’s always nice to have something humorous and helpful to blog about, right?  This growing up stuff isn’t easy for Moms.  Just know, that if you think you have areas you really need to work on, it’s never too late to become a better parent.  I try to get it right every day, and although I fail at times, my daughters always make me believe that it’s OK while they’re picking me up, face first, off the ground.  They even help me dust myself off from time to time, so I know I’m loved.

Before I go, I’d like to leave you with a prayer that I pray:

“Father, help me to be the best mom that I can be.  Help me to stop comparing myself with others.  Amen.”

Take care, moms, clingy and non, alike!

The BETTER PARENTING, BETTER KIDS Blog Tour!!!

Hi, my name is Nonnie Jules and welcome to the 1st day of my BETTER PARENTING, BETTER KIDS Blog Tour. Today I’m being hosted by my fellow RAVE REVIEWS BOOK CLUB board member, Kathryn Treat, on her blog BE MY GUEST.   I am honored that Kathryn offered to kick off my tour as she was one of the first people to ever read my parenting guide, THE GOOD MOMMIES’ GUIDE TO RAISING (ALMOST) PERFECT DAUGHTERS. She loved the book so much that she, of course, gave it a 5 star review. Here is a snippet of her review: “This book could be applicable to parents of sons as well, and would make a GREAT baby shower gift for NEW moms.” Kathryn and I quickly became friends, and it was greatly in part because of our parenting values. She, like me, also has two (almost) perfect daughters and she could relate to many of the points I had laid out in this guide.
Many times, people are drawn to each other for various reasons, most often because of commonalities they share. But in my case, I often find myself surrounded by parents who have kids who are the total opposite of mine. I’ve come to realize that the reason is because our parenting styles differ greatly.
I won’t say that I’m a strict parent, but I will say that there are certain things that I won’t compromise on (whether the child is 5 or 25): respect and manners. That being said, I have zero tolerance for poorly behaved children (and poorly behaved adults, for that matter), disrespectful children, and a lack of manners (for those kids who are of the age to “know better” in certain situations).
I am a firm believer that there are “some” things that children can come into the world knowing, but the major things have to be taught. From about 2-3 months after conception of both my daughters, I would often have conversations with them {in my tummy}, letting them know what would be acceptable and unacceptable when they made their entrances into my world. My husband would laugh if he walked by and I was having such a conversation with my “belly,” but hey, there was really a baby in there who was listening to me!
I can remember as if it were yesterday, repeatedly saying the following to them (while they were in my tummy):
“When you get here, you will not break mommy’s things” LOL;
“When you get here, you will be kind and respectful to others”.
Little did we know that those “lessons” would produce two of the most incredible daughters ever! My husband now tells parents-to-be: “Be sure you start teaching them early…while they’re still in the oven baking, because it really works!” Well, it seems he’s not laughing at me now, is he? Instead, he’s witnessing about that, which I knew early on. Call it my mother’s intuition if you want, but I knew, somewhere deep inside, that if I started “that” early, the results would be very different and not the norm.
When I was in college, I made the decision that I didn’t want kids. In my mind, they were just too messy and too much trouble and I was going to lead this grand life where there would be no room for these little people. When I got married and became expectant with my first child, I began to see things differently. I looked around the world and I knew instantly, what I DID NOT want my daughters to become. I saw these children who were so ill-mannered, that even now, I cringe when I hear a child call an adult by their first name without putting a “handle” before it…you know, “Mrs., Ms, Mr.” My skin crawls when I hear a parent calling out to their child and the child yells back, “What?” and I literally want to pull my finger nails off with plyers when I see a child throwing a tantrum in the store, or a child being disrespectful, by “talking back” to an adult. {In my mind, I’m secretly willing the parents to leave them with me for just one hour and I would promise the return of a most well-behaved child}.
I detest rudeness, so do you honestly think that I would have rude children? Absolutely not. I’m called Ms. Manners in some circles, so do you think that you would ever see a child of mine exhibiting poor ones? It would never happen.
We’ve all heard these two adages:
“The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.”
“If you want something you’ve never had, then you’ve got to do something you’ve never done.”
Well, I decided BEFORE my kids were born, that I was going to parent better. I knew that would be the only way for me to get the great kids that I now have. I was well aware that the parenting that I had seen before me, hadn’t worked, and I knew this because of the great many poorly parented kids I saw, even within my own family. I was determined to break this cycle so I went back to my own childhood, and although I don’t parent entirely the way my parents did, many of my methods are, as they say, “from the old school.” This new age parenting, let me ask some of you {in the voice and words of Sarah Palin}, “How’s that working out for ya?” With the crime rate growing because of young kids, I would go so far as to say, “Not well at all.”
Parents, we have to cultivate better if we want to produce better crops. We have to spend more time on them, and without neglecting ourselves, less time on those things that shouldn’t be as important as they are.
I hope that you will follow me for the next 7 days as I give you more insight into how we can create a much better world, and how better parenting can produce better kids. Even if you think this doesn’t involve you because you don’t have kids or your kids are grown, think of it this way: I’m sure you have nieces, nephews, grandkids or even god-children,  who you want to be the best. And maybe, just maybe, their parents aren’t able to read this message or the others I will be sharing on future stops. YOU can be their saving grace. YOU can be their messenger.  {TOUR LINE UP}.
I look forward to seeing you on my next stop where I will have another great message waiting just for you!

BOOK TRAILER

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AUTHOR BIO:
Nonnie Jules is the mother of two beautifully kind daughters, who along with the help of her husband, have turned out to be two of the greatest assets to this world. THE GOOD MOMMIES’ GUIDE TO RAISING (ALMOST) PERFECT DAUGHTERS is her first published piece of work and two weeks after publication, it hit Amazon’s Top 100 list, where it reached the #7 mark. With all the violence which is being exhibited by some children today, it is her vision and goal to get THE GOOD MOMMIES’ GUIDE…into the hands of everyone who breathes around a child. She feels the only way we can make this happen, is if we are all working from a common blueprint. Ms. Jules strongly believes that every opportunity we are given with a child, should be a teaching one for us and a learning one for them.
So far, Ms. Jules has authored two other books: a novel which she released in November of 2013, entitled “DAYDREAM’S DAUGHTER, NIGHTMARE’S FRIEND” and “SUGARCOATIN’ IS FOR CANDY & PACIFYIN’ IS FOR KIDS!” where she shares her no-holds-barred style of teaching us all about support and social media. Her second parenting guide {THE GOOD MOMMIES’ GUIDE TO BULLY-PROOF KIDS} is due for release the beginning of January, 2015 and the sequel to her debut novel, DAYDREAM’S DAUGHTER, shortly after. (Both have been delayed due to her extensive workload with RRBC).
She is a fan of the well-written word, and so along with 3 partners, she started 4WillsPublishing Co. in November, 2013 to assist other writers in putting out their best work ever. By December, 2013, she had founded the RAVE REVIEWS BOOK CLUB where in less than a year, the membership has rapidly grown to well over 500. If you’re not a member yet, this is your personal invitation to JOIN US!
As you can see, Nonnie is an Author on the move and if you’re interested in keeping up with her, here is her contact info (and a good pair of running shoes would help as well):
Twitter: @nonniejules
Facebook: Nonnie Jules, Author
Blogs/Websites:
4WillsPublishing.wordpress.com
BooksByNonnie.wordpress.com
NonnieWrites.wordpress.com

Thanks for stopping by and for your awesome show of support!   Please be kind enough to like this page before you leave as well as tweeting it, sharing it on Facebook and if you leave a comment, you could possibly win a seat ON THE SHELF with me in an upcoming segment at Rave Reviews Book Club! (For RRBC Members only).  Oh, and I invite you to pick up your own copy of THE GOOD MOMMIES’ GUIDE…I guarantee you a non-boring, very entertaining read.  IT’S NOT YOUR TYPICAL PARENTING GUIDE!!!

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