Discipline Your Kids, or Law Enforcement Will Do It For You! #RRBC #Parenting #Parents

My 1st book, THE GOOD MOMMIES’ GUIDE TO RAISING (ALMOST) PERFECT DAUGHTERS”, 100 Tips On Raising Daughters Everyone Can’t Help But Love, delivers on it’s title.  The tips included in this book are tried and true.  There are some who will argue that there is no such thing as a “perfect” person, so for those naysayers, let me make myself clear, I raised (almost) perfect daughters, that means, they’re as close to perfect in the eyes of many, as you can get.  And the reason they were raised this way, is because I have zero tolerance for undisciplined children.

Recently, on a trip to WalMart, I could hear a kid screaming at the top of her lungs somewhere in the store.  Literally, screaming.  I then heard a little boy yelling at the top of his.  Well, I tipped over to find out what was wrong and to ensure that these kids were not in any danger.  (Yes, I’m that Mom).  What I found was a little girl sitting in a basket (unharmed), just crying/screaming; a little boy standing and yelling at an older woman, who appeared to be his grandmother/caregiver.  The woman walks over and says, “Let’s go, I’m not buying that for you.”  This little boy, who looked to be between 7-8 years old, stood there defiantly, folded his arms and shot back at her, “I’m not going anywhere! You are buying me those chips!” My eyes literally popped out of my head and are still on the floor of that WalMart.  That was a month ago, so please pardon any typos you might find here as I’m working without my usual eyes.

1screaming little girl

The woman notices me and others who had started to gather, customers and employees alike, to witness this sad display of parenting.  When the boy didn’t budge, the woman says, “Well, I’m going to leave you right here.”  She walks away, pushing the basket which held the still-screaming little girl.

All you could hear was chatter in WalMart, people lining the aisles whispering and pointing, and it was extremely obvious that this woman was totally embarrassed.  She continued to shop as the little boy runs behind her, shouting what she was GOING to do for him.

I’m leading the pack that’s standing in the center aisle in disbelief, just waiting for the moment when this lady was going to put a stop to all that nonsense of screaming and embarrassment that they were causing her.

Then, out of nowhere, pushing her cart down an aisle, this older lady turns, stoops down and says to the little boy: “Why are you behaving like that?  You need to go and find your mom and do what she says.”  He folds his arms and stands in front of her, with that same defiant look he’d given to his guardian.  The lady stands up, shrugs her shoulders and just walks away.  The next scene that plays out, is another little older lady, who comes up to the little boy, grabs him by his arm (I’m smiling, cheering her on, by the way), and she is almost shouting in her little voice: “You are too old to behave this way!  You know better! You stop that screaming at your mom and you do as she says.” Then, Mr. Police Officer walks by, shaking his head in disbelief at these two kids who are being allowed to create such chaos in a public market.

The little older lady continues her rant and you can clearly hear her saying out loud, “Maybe someone should get that police officer to talk to him and scare him a bit.”  By this time, this little older lady is my champion.

So, the guardian returns when she sees little older lady talking to the boy, and says to him, “Get over here and let’s go!”  (Finally, she’s commanding him and he’s not commanding her).  It didn’t work, though, as he walked away and stood on yet another aisle pointing to the new object of his attention…screaming at the top of his lungs for her to get it for him.

As we (the members of the IN DISBELIEF CLUB OF WALMART that day), looked on, she walks over, grabs what he is pointing to and says, “Now, let’s go.”  I was just outdone in that moment.  Really?  She’s giving in to the demands of a 7-8 year old child? My husband, who had been searching for me for a while around the store (but remember, I was following the Carnival crowd), sees this and says, “Honey, hold your tongue, please, please.”  I’ve turned a few shades of red and he could feel the fury emanating from my body at the situation.

As the little girl is still screaming while being pushed in the cart, the little boy is running behind the guardian and smiling as he sticks out his tongue at all who is staring at him. (Although he was using his tongue to disrespect us, this is what I felt him doing…)

Tantrum boy shooting the finger

The lady heads directly to the register.  Finally, a WalMart manager comes over and asks the lady to leave the store.  Now, I don’t know if that manager broke any laws, but maybe she was trying to contain all the fury she felt building up in the customers who had witnessed this for far too long, and she was trying to get the woman to safety (out of my reach…because at that point, I wanted to personally whip her myself!)

The woman places the “thing” the little boy wanted on the counter, starts to push the basket with the screaming little girl out of the store as she is literally dragging him behind her, because he has sat down on the floor and refused to move.

Would you all like to know what I said to my husband?  I said, “He, at that age, is prison-bound if they don’t put a stop to his behavior right now!” YES, I SAID IT! and I didn’t bite my tongue doing it.  I firmly believe that no matter your race (because someone is going to throw race in this), if you don’t discipline your children and teach them properly, then the streets and law enforcement will do it for you. I had never witnessed such horror before in my life and I hope that I won’t have to witness anything like it ever again.

To all the parents who think that it’s cute that your little girl walks around disrespecting you at the age of 6, it’s not.  To all of you who feel that you want your kids to be FREE in what they do and say, think again and grow a parenting backbone.  My daughters are free to think on their own, and express themselves, but, always in a respectful manner and tone.  You can’t beat respect on any level, I don’t care what anyone says.  My daughters were always the ones who were used as examples in school for the other kids, and guess on what basis?  The teachers always, always pointed out just how respectful and mannerable they were.  My oldest is well into her twenties and you will still hear her saying on any given Sunday to her elders or any adult older than she:  “Yes, Ma’am, No, Ma’am, Yes, Sir, Thank you, Excuse Me, Please,” etc. and any other respectful phrase that you can think of, both my daughters use them.

Tip #18 in my parenting guide is about discipline.  I’m going to share that tip with you and then share with you the importance of it:

*DON’T BE AFRAID TO DISCIPLINE WHEN IT’S NEEDED.  Again, in full disclosure I must say that I have never physically disciplined my daughters, BUT, that was only because I didn’t have to.  I had 4 siblings and although the girls didn’t get spankings, only the boys did, I come from the school where whippings were just a part of life, and I also tend to think, we all turned out pretty well.  I believe that some children only need to be admonished from time to time, but others…well, that’s when we need to invoke the teachings of the Bible.  (Proverbs 22:15) says “Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him.”  Does this let you know that I believe in spankings? I hope it does, because I most certainly do!

I know that people differ on this subject;  some believe in physical discipline, others believe in only verbal, and some don’t believe in it at all…and that’s OK (as long as they keep those kids at their house).  I personally believe that parents should be allowed to discipline their children in the way they see fit for their family. (That’s not to say that kids should be allowed to get away with murder). That being said, a child should NEVER be bruised, injured or cut by a physical correction.

Physical discipline should always be done in love and never as a vent to the parent’s frustration.  It is also just one part of discipline and should ONLY be used when the child shows defiance to a clear limit, not in the heat of the moment.  No matter how it’s done, don’t be afraid to do it.  I must end this by re-iterating that discipline is something that you need to begin at an early age, and when I say early age, I mean DAY ONE!  You cannot wait until your child is 13, 14, or even 16 years old, standing taller than you, and decide that they’re a little too mouthy for you.  If you start disciplining from day one, I can assure you, “mouthing off” will never be a problem.

It’s no wonder that people still ask me, “How did you get them to turn out that way?” and I always respond, “It wasn’t that hard.”  Before I became a mother, what I saw in the world around me, made me want to be a much better parent and made me want to raise a different breed of child.  A better child.  The kind the world would appreciate on so many levels.  Examples for all the rest.  If you want children who will cause you to shed only happy tears in your old age, decide early that you will raise them in the proper manner.  The woman in WalMart that day, would never have had to deal with that humiliation, had she or whoever the parents of these children are, used some form of discipline.  And again, discipline is not just physical.  You teach your kids with your words, your actions and your consistency.  These were my forms of discipline

“THE GOOD MOMMIES’ GUIDE…” has tips that are not just for girls.  If you haven’t already, pick up a copy and share your thoughts with us.  See the trailer:

I hope that someone who has lived thru this woman’s humiliation before, is helped by this post. If you’re a new parent, just starting out, there is still time to walk down the right road, if you feel you’re headed down a bad one in your parenting.  I’d love to hear your thoughts, whatever they may be, on this topic.  How do you feel about discipline?  And honestly, how did your kids turn out?  I don’t mean just in your eyes, how do you think they’re viewed in the eyes of the world?  Will they/are they contributing and productive assets to today’s society and their community?

Community, let’s talk about this!

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24 thoughts on “Discipline Your Kids, or Law Enforcement Will Do It For You! #RRBC #Parenting #Parents

  1. So many times, when you see a certain kid acting a certain way, you really are able to “see” the parents (or whomever has raised the child) even though you’ve never actually met the parents. Not in every case, of course. There are certainly exceptions to every rule. There are children struggling with issues which can’t be greatly changed by anything a parent does or does not do, but most of the time…
    Deuteronomy 6:6-7 says “These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.” I am far from a perfect (or, some days, even good…) example as a parent, so I am not judging when I say this, but I think far too often people in society are no longer taking the time to impress ANYTHING upon their children. People aren’t sitting at home with their families, or walking along the road with them, or putting them to bed, or greeting them in the morning. And if those simple things aren’t being done, when is there TIME to impress anything upon their hearts? I agree, Nonnie…children need to be taught discipline, and they need to be taught respect. And I think the first step is for the adult in the child’s life to take the time — or make the time — to BE there.

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  2. I think the biggest thing I see from all of you are parents who care and love their children, and that’s what matters most.

    Parenting is a difficult endeavor, and, sad to say, there are bad parents who don’t care. However, we all have to learn to parent the best we can, and resources are important for sure.

    My husband and I have six children, ages 3-19. Our first four were ages five and under with a gap between our last two children. We’ve also hosted an abundance of international students over the last four years (13 and by next year 17 with one remaining with us for all four years of high school), and we plan to continue to do so. My home is public because of that choice. For us, logical consequences and love work. I don’t see a need for corporeal punishment. Other forms of discipline are effective.

    I also agree with Shirley. You can’t judge, and what happens in the news when police officers are out of line is heart breaking. I’m glad it’s exposed.

    I’ve seen wonderful families torn because a child has battled with drugs, families where a child has committed suicide, and multiple other difficulties, death of a parent or sibling, learning disabilities, and the list goes on.

    Loving parents do their best, but sometimes things in life go wrong. My answer is to love, love, love, and as Mother Teresa has said about freedom, “To be free, accept where God places you. No matter where you are placed in life, whether it is in a castle or in the street, accept it. Then you’ll be truly free.” (This quote may not be word for word but can be found in her movie biography “Mother Teresa” on Amazon).

    Nonnie, your daughters and family sound absolutely lovely, and you are blessed. There are parents who try equally as hard and have hardships befall them. As parents, I think it’s important to support each other through the good and the bad. We can try our best, and the rest happens, no matter how much we try to control it.

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  3. This. Was. AMAZING!! I have 2 little ones and I completely agree with you. I see kids doing things that my parents would have slapped me for while the parents of said hooligans do absolutely nothing. I am determined to raise well-behaved, respectful children. Unfortunately, they will be in the minority. Thanks for the post.

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  4. Reblogged this on Life As I Know It and commented:
    I absolutely love this post from Author Nonnie Jules. Do yourself a favor and read this post, buy her book and STUDY her words!!! Learn from someone who can teach you a thing or two (or a hundred!) about parenting. 🙂

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  5. That is a child in serious need of an ass whoopin’! We live in a politically correct world today that frowns upon physical discipline, equating it to child abuse. Well let me say it right here: Political correctness is a poison that kills every family, every society it contaminates. When I was a child, I got spankings for some of the stupid things we do as kids. My children were disciplined the same way. Proverbs 13:24 says “He that spares his rod hates his son; but he that loves him chastises him promptly.” Proverbs 23: 13, 14 further says: “Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish them with the rod, they will not die. Punish them with the rod and save them from death.”

    Unfortunately, we live in a society where too many believe they know better than God. This will only lead to complete and total disintegration of morals and standards, which is where we are rushing toward. Prison and cemeteries are filled with those who lacked discipline in early life, never knowing there are boundaries not to be crossed and consequences for our actions. Respect is learned and respect is earned.

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  6. Sorry Nonnie, I can’t ‘like’ your blog. When I click your ‘like’ button, an automatic WordPress.com box comes up and I can’t get around it. You see I am WordPress.org. If anybody can tell me how to make it work, i’d appreciate it.

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  7. Worked in a store when I was a teenager and saw this on almost a daily basis. It’s one of the things that helped me figure out what not to do when I became a parent.
    As for public discipline, as my dad used to tell us, “If I ever need to discipline you in public you’ll get more when we get home!” And the suggestion by some that it was illegal didn’t phase him either. We also knew better than to threaten to turn him in, as was becoming popular in the 70’s. He’d say something like, “We’ll, they won’t have any problem making a case against me, I’ll be spanking you until they arrive.”

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  8. What stuck out to me was the fact that this guardian might not have been the actual parent, but a grandparent or caregiver. She could have had health problems that prevented her from disciplining that unruly child. The blame lies with the parents and maybe the grandparent for not raising that child’s parent well and maybe not. There are so many absentee parents that we have lost an entire generation of well-mannered children. There is a lot of blame to go around and so we have to refrain from being judgmental until we have all the facts. Its all so sad. I’m still reeling over that Texas police officer assaulting a 15 year old. Imagine if that were your child? They were at a pool party for heaven’s sake. And yes, race will be invoked because it was a white 200-lb. man kneeing a tiny black girl. The video went viral and people are outraged. The officer has been disciplined I think. Buts its on the news and will be playing all day. All I can ask is what has this world come to.

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    • Shirley, we won’t have all the facts because we don’t know these people and it matters not if it is the parent or the grandparent. Before she walked out the door, she knew the children that she was taking to the market. Absentee parents…again, matters not. Whomever the caregiver is, that is who is responsible for the way children are being raised. So, there’s my “judgement” if that is what you call it. Because other people decide to raise unruly, undisciplined children, then society has to suffer and pay the price of what that undisciplined behavior might grow into. Again, better parenting, better kids! #ProofInMyPudding

      Thanks for stopping by, my dear!

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  9. These children who have had no discipline in their lives play on embarrassing the parent in public to get what they want. The trick is to get them to respect you at a much earlier age. By the time they’re six or seven it’s much harder, almost impossible. When my son had tantrums in shops at age two or three, it was much easier to ignore the screaming, physically pick him up, and walk out of the shop!

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  10. This is an excellent and, unfortunately, very necessary post. I too believe in corporal punishment of children, but I also believe that it should be delivered when the parent has gotten over his/her anger. In my case, I never had to strike my daughter. One cross look from me would reduce her to tears.

    My sons were a different story. It took the back of my hand to convince them that I meant business. Fortunately they did not become criminals.

    Having said that, in Canada today, if a parent or any other adult physically disciplines a child in public, they can be charged. I saw a lawyer intervene in a mall once, take names, and then reported the couple.

    Nonnie, you are quite correct. Undisciplined children will become threats to our society as adults. I encourage you to continue to write these guides because there is a great need everywhere.

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    • John, I think that’s the law these days in most places. But, here’s the thing, if you are disciplining your kids AT HOME, there would be no need for public discipline. A stare from mom or dad would suffice. And those nosey folks in malls taking names and reporting people, I hope you’re reading this and so would you scroll up and take a look at that finger the little kid was just profiling? Please!

      I think many of those “kinds” of people have read this post and tipped away from it. They will report someone who is disciplining their child in public, yet they’ll be the first ones to call the police if the kid is merely walking down the street “looking” suspicious, in their eyes. I get extremely bothered by those kinds of parents/people, because my daughters will have to live in a society with the kinds of monsters they are creating now…and yes, I SAID “MONSTERS” and I didn’t stutter one bit.

      People should be allowed to discipline their kids in the right way. When they are not allowed, when the wrong kind of folks intervene, just know there are many hotels being built to house the kids they didn’t want to see disciplined…they’re called PRISONS. And the more I think about it, maybe that’s where they want them to end up.

      Thanks for chiming in, John!

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  11. Well let me say… I DO NOT, HAVE NOT, NEVER HAVE TOLERATED my kids misbehaving, embarrassing, throwing temper tantrums or ANYTHING along those lines. I have no clue what it’s like to have a child talk back to me!! My daughter is 21 and I don’t know ANYTHING about a girl and her attitude!! I made it EXTREMELY clear when my children were little what would be tolerated and NOT tolerated and they KNOW the deal. My daughter called me recently to say “ma you should have heard this little kid with their mom! You would have knocked the crap out of him”… Yup I sure would have!!! So Jules you are SPOT ON with this blog!! I don’t “like it”, I “LOVE IT”!!!

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    • KIM, I AM ON THE FLOOR LAUGHING AT YOU!!!! LOL! And you say “I” have no filter…lol. You’re right, I don’t like filters…I like the cold-hard (sometimes) ugly truth! Let’s stop dancing around topics like this. We can’t make the world a better place by dancing “around.” Let’s jump on the dance floor, right in the center, and bring tons of attention to the steps that we need to share. I want to leave my babies in a much better world, but from what I see around me, I have miles to go before I sleep.

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  12. I left a comment earlier, Nonnie, but it didn’t stick I guess! Anyway, families are so complex. I completely agree that children need to learn respect early on, and some parents are afraid to dish out consequences. boys always learned from take-away, but we had to deliver on our threats consistently or we’d lose them. Positive feedback is also important. I think we might need a new book from you: A GRANDPARENTS GUIDE!!! Who wouldn’t buy that?

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  13. I’ve seen scenarios like that in stores, too. On every occasion, my palm itched. The kids you saw had obviously been getting away with that kind of behaviour for years. Too bad their parents didn’t respond to the first tantrum with sufficient consequences to instill the idea that such displays were not going to be tolerated and thus spare themselves repeat performances.

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    • Renee, if I tell you I just had another experience on Sunday…LOL…yi yi yi! (In my Ricky Ricardo voice). In the department store, man holding a little girl who had to be around 4, kicking and screaming “let me go!” He kept repeating, “You better stop that…” I said out loud (but not loudly…lol), “If she were afraid of that little threat, she wouldn’t be behaving the way she is now.” Which means, his little admonishment was for the other customers in that store, as clearly it didn’t move her in any way at all. Actually, she got louder UNTIL HE PUT HER DOWN!!! *SIGH* I can’t write parenting guides fast enough.

      My palms don’t itch. My right eyebrow raises as I’m looking at the parent.

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  14. WOW! Lots of retweets but not very many comments. I think I must have hit a nerve in some. At the least, I’m sure I made some think and that was my goal. 🙂

    “Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.” – Martin Luther King Jr.

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