This post today IS NOT for all the normal, care-free, happy-go-lucky moms who allow their kids all the freedoms they should be allowed.
(She is definitely the cool, “more-loved” mom).
Oh, no. This is a special blog for moms like me. The not-so-normal ones, who love their kids “way too much” (if there is such a thing). You know the ones who never want their kids to move away; instead, we’d prefer they grow up, get married, and move back home, because we want to see them all the time…hug-and-kiss-them-as-if-they-were-still-little-tiny tots, all the time. Yes, I’m that mom, and don’t judge me. It’s not a good day for that.
(Like she really wants to move back home with this mom. Wait, I’m not that mom…wrong photo!)
I’m this mom…
(…where the kid’s get tired of being hugged and loved all the time. OK, this one’s no better than the one up top. Oh, heck!).
I often wonder if my daughters really appreciate all that I do for them and all the love that I bestow upon them. Sometimes, I think that “they feel” it’s too much. But, I always tell them how some kids have many struggles and hardships to deal with daily, and how those same kids get no love and attention at all. I go on to stress just how blessed they are.
My baby is now a teenager and she doesn’t need me as much as she used to. Often, I just want to lie around in her room, hugging her, but she says…“Mommy, that is #TeamTooMuch.” (I think that’s kid-speak for “Nobody lays around with their mom hugging them at my age.”)
My oldest, who is a young adult, but still lives at home as she chases after her 2nd Master’s Degree, needs me even less than that (but she will allow me to hug and kiss her more than the baby, although she does frown during the entire episode). I am definitely one of those moms who will be facing an empty nest very soon, and I admit, I don’t think I’m going to handle it very well.
So, back to all the love and attention I give…If they feel I’m giving too much, and I feel it’s exactly what they need…what do we do at this impasse? Although I don’t like to think about it, I still have a few suggestions that I, as “THE GOOD MOMMIES’ MOMMY” must share with you if you’re mom to teenage daughters, and if you’re of the not-so-normal breed, as I am. C’mon, I’ll hold your hand as we cry thru these 5 favorites of mine, together:
*First, it’s time to recognize and realize that our babies are no longer of the “toddling” kind. They are growing up into these little people with their own minds, their own dreams and desires, and their own friends… and although they still need us, when they are tall enough to see over the tops of our heads, they don’t need us as much;
*Realize that they don’t want to share everything with you anymore. Remember when they couldn’t hold water and every little detail of every little thing, spilled out of their mouths at the drop of a hat? Well, those days are long gone. Now, they will share with you only what they want you to know, so stop prying. It only annoys them and makes them share even less with you;
*Although I don’t condone dropping young girls off at the mall, we must realize that they, too, have social lives, and those young lives typically don’t coincide with our daily trips to WalMart, the pharmacy or the fabric store. Let them make arrangements to meet with their friends for lunch or the movies, and while keeping their safety at the forefront of your brain, allow them that time to be away from you. (Hey, although you may not want to go see “The Fault In Our Stars,” I’m sure “Moms Night Out” is playing just down the hall. Time your movies so that you walk into your separate theaters together, and so that you’re almost walking out together, as well. It makes them feel as if they are independent of you hovering over them, and it gives you peace of mind that you’re close by should your mommy-fear kick in to high gear);
*Let them know that they can talk to you about anything, anywhere at anytime. When they come into your office and you’re all engrossed in the final chapter of your latest novel, put down pen and paper, or take your eyes off the computer and look at them. Letting them know that they have your full attention when they need you, makes for you guys having a much better Mommy/Daughter relationship down the road;
*Even though you know that you’re already going to say “No” when she asks to camp out in front of an arena so that she’s first in line to get tickets, allow her to have her complete say. Don’t shut her down just because you’re already armed with that “No.” After she has stated her case, ask her to give you a little time to think about it. When you get together with her again, calmly explain why you have to use that “NO” (that you keep on hand for everything, but, she doesn’t need to know that). In the end, she will respect you for having heard listened fully, and for “pretending” to think it thru before you came up with your answer).
No matter what kind of mom you are, as long as you love your kids and do the best that you can for them, that’s all that matters. We’re all different and whether we agree on our parenting styles or not, all of our differences should be respected. I joke about it, but I know how much my daughters love and appreciate me, but it’s always nice to have something humorous and helpful to blog about, right? This growing up stuff isn’t easy for Moms. Just know, that if you think you have areas you really need to work on, it’s never too late to become a better parent. I try to get it right every day, and although I fail at times, my daughters always make me believe that it’s OK while they’re picking me up, face first, off the ground. They even help me dust myself off from time to time, so I know I’m loved.
Before I go, I’d like to leave you with a prayer that I pray:
“Father, help me to be the best mom that I can be. Help me to stop comparing myself with others. Amen.”
Take care, moms, clingy and non, alike!